


Unintended Beginnings

by Ana_Khouri



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Accidental Bondage, Blindfolds, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:44:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana_Khouri/pseuds/Ana_Khouri
Summary: Clara follows Kate to the hospital after her fall at the end of Death in Heaven and the easy friendship that blossoms from their dual grief becomes something far more complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this for [DW Femslash week](http://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/149940812080/hello-and-welcome-to-the-inaugural-dw-femslash) slightly randomly out of a list of about 10 pairings which was basically Clara with almost anyone but it sort of gained a life of it’s own (while making me obsessed with Kate Stewart / any Jemma R character kissing girls - oh thank you Holby City) and is now very late for that prompt.. but I hope you like it anyway. 
> 
> Thank you to [starbuck1980](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbuck1980/pseuds/Starbuck1980) for the beta and correcting all my non-Britishisms.
> 
>  
> 
> **Update 01 Oct 17: Super thank you to[Persiflage](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Persiflage/pseuds/Persiflage) for correcting the bits both Starbuck1980 and I embarrassingly missed. I also updated some of the conversation punctuation and a few other niggly bits.**

Kate heard the decompression as she was dragged from the fuselage of Boat One, surprised at how rational her thoughts were for someone falling 30,000 feet to certain death. She had no parachute and nothing on her person that would slow the descent but she recognised that the oxygen was thin and forced herself to calm her gasping respiration. As the world went black her body hit something solid and she wondered at the close and forgiving nature of the ground. 

*

She opened her eyes to a white ceiling before turning her head to find Clara Oswald dozing in a chair beside her. She recognised the room as one of the Unit run hospitals and tried to push herself to a seated position. As she shifted Clara stirred, opening her eyes sleepily before snapping them wide open when she realised Kate was awake. 

“How are you feeling?” Clara asked, pulling her chair forward. 

“Groggy but alright,” Kate responded, still trying to get her bearings. She pushed herself into a seated position, her eyes widening as she recalled the Cyberman attack. 

“Is it over?,” she asked, searching Clara’s eyes, but surely she was too calm for anything else. “What happened?” 

Clara nodded, her eyes furrowed, lips pressed together. 

“What is it?” Kate pushed, knowing that look meant bad news. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” she inquired, eyes still filled with an ominous concern. 

Kate thought back. “The Cybermen were attacking the plane,” she relayed. “I was sucked out.”

Clara nodded before taking a deep breath and relaying that Kate’s father had been one of the Cybermen and had caught her but the plane had gone down, killing the rest of the passengers. 

“Osgood,” Kate uttered, staring at Clara almost uncomprehendingly. 

Clara nodded sombrely. 

Kate turned from Clara. She would miss Osgood of course, she was a talented asset in addition to being a close friend, but Kate was thinking of the wider picture and the problems to come. 

“Kate?” Clara voiced, and Kate snapped to Clara’s worried gaze. 

“How did we defeat them?” Kate inquired, still worried Clara was hiding something, that there was some still unresolved issue. 

Clara shifted nervously, meeting Kate’s eyes for a moment before dropping them to her lap. “One of the Cybermen rebelled, he destroyed the others,” she confirmed, meeting her eyes again with a wan smile. 

“And Missy?” she prompted. 

“Killed by your father,” Clara confirmed. 

Kate nodded, her gaze drifting as her mind shuffled through everything she had been told. 

“I’ll have to notify their families,” Kate voiced, more to herself than Clara as her brain trolled through the roster of those on that plane and the names and locations of their families. 

“Kate!,” Clara’s voice cut through the mass of actions in her head as the younger woman grabbed a hold of her hand.

She looked up at Clara before briefly looking at their hands. Clara followed her gaze somewhat awkwardly but only squeezed tighter as her eyes held Kate’s.

“Kate, someone else can do that. You need to rest,” she insisted, eyebrows raising obstinately. 

Kate pulled away her hand, waving away Clara's concern but leaning back in the bed. 

"Where is my phone? I need to let the other Osgood know," she voiced evenly, wordlessly capitulating. 

Clara watched her for a moment thin lipped before leaving the room and returning with Kate’s phone, handing it over begrudgingly. 

Despite Kate's numerous protestations Clara stayed with her as she handled much of the fallout of the day's events from her mobile, escorting her home when she was discharged a few hours later. 

Clara lingered in the doorway of Kate's house and it was only then that Kate noticed the traces of the younger woman's grief, the deep soul destroying kind that slowed movements and left eyes distant and haunted. 

"Could I use your bathroom?" Clara asked almost nervously and it seemed for a moment that she was stalling. 

“Of course,” Kate replied gesturing for her to enter. “In fact it’s quite late. You should stay,” she offered, realising she had been far too wrapped up in what had happened to everyone else to think about what Clara had gone through. 

Clara hesitated before shaking her head and Kate saw the indecision cross her face in a mixture of fear and sadness. 

She leaned forward, grabbing Clara's hand. 

"You are staying,” she insisted, meeting Clara’s eyes as the brunette quickly tried to hide the pain residing within them. 

To Kate’s surprise Clara didn’t argue, her face betraying her exhaustion as she nodded in acceptance. 

She ushered Clara into the hallway, the younger woman following suit as Kate hung up her coat and took off her shoes. Kate directed her to the bathroom before dropping her keys on the hallway table and doing a quick tidy of the living room. She was in the kitchen when Clara found her, decanting wine into two glasses.

“I don’t know about you but I need a drink,” she explained with a forced smile. 

Clara looked like she was about to argue against it on the grounds of Kate’s health but Kate raised her eyebrow in challenge. 

“Thank you,” Clara revised, sitting on a stool pulled up against the island as Kate stood opposite, half-filling her glass with the deep red liquid. 

She passed the glass to Clara across the island. 

“To surviving,” Kate offered sadly raising her glass in toast. 

Kate watched Clara’s face contort as she fought to maintain control of emotions forcing themselves to the surface. She put own her glass down and went around the island, wrapping an arm around Clara’s shoulder and taking the glass from Clara’s hand as tears welled in the other woman’s eyes despite her significant protestations. 

“What happened?” Kate asked softly, rubbing Clara’s back in a feeble attempt at comfort. “Who else died?” she added in nearly a whisper. 

It took a few moments but Clara finally calmed herself, taking a deep breath and opening her mouth for a moment, hesitating as if she didn’t trust herself to speak. 

“Danny,” she finally voiced but Kate could hear the struggle even in those two syllables. 

She knew about Danny of course, they kept close enough tabs on the companions to know who they were spending extensive time with, but she couldn’t imagine how he could’ve been wrapped up in this. 

“What happened?” Kate asked, sitting herself beside Clara as her hand slid from her back. 

Clara took the stem of her glass and began to slowly turn it between her fingers, watching it intently. 

“He died. Before,” she uttered, still staring at the stem of the wine glass. 

“He was a Cyberman,” Kate offered, her face falling. 

Clara looked up and nodded, her face contorting again as her eyes welled up. 

“The things I said to him before I knew…” she uttered, eyes staring into the distance as she relived the moments “…that The Doctor was the closest person to me, the one man I would always trust and never lie to…” she continued before meeting Kate’s eyes. “How could I hurt him like that?” she asked, biting her lip as she lost all pretence at composure. 

Kate hesitated before sliding off her stool and pulling Clara into a hug as the younger woman allowed the tears to become loud sobs, her body tense with the pain of it. She felt Clara's fingers flex against her back, pulling them closer, and Kate shifted to allow the increased contact, finding her own comfort in the small intimacy of the moment. It had been years since she had been close enough to anyone to see vulnerability and the recognition upset her. 

"What do you need?" Kate whispered into her hair as Clara's grief cracked open something in her own soul. She had lost and mourned and it always hurt but there was something visceral about Clara's pain that made her experiences pale, as if even losing her father had been part of her working life - sidelined until she allowed herself a time to mourn that would never come. 

Everything faded around her except the reality of this woman, strong and clever enough to survive years traveling with The Doctor, _hurting_ as Kate tried to think of how best to comfort her. When Clara's sobs eventually decreased and she loosened her grip Kate spoke again. 

"Tell me what you need," she whispered again, separating them just enough to meet Clara's eyes, her hand brushing the hair from Clara’s face and tucking it behind her ear before dropping it to her side, suddenly self-conscious. 

Clara shook her head. "I should go," she stated, her voice coming out congested as she cleared her throat. "You have your own mourning to do," She pointed out, making to stand as Kate stepped back to reinstate her personal space.

"It doesn't mean either of us have to mourn alone," Kate replied, taking Clara's wine glass and handing it to her emphatically. "You tell me about Danny Pink and I'll tell you about Petronella Osgood," she offered, a lump forming in her throat as she took her own glass.

Clara hesitated before nodding and Kate turned towards the living room, Clara following a few steps behind. 

Kate sat in the seat to the left of the couch, her usual perch, while Clara seated herself on the left side of the couch, taking a sip of her wine before placing it on the coaster on the end table. Clara folded her hands in her lap before unfolding them, taking a deep breath before she began to speak. 

It was clearly hard for her but once she got past the circumstances of his dual death the words poured out, the occasional happy memory even making her smile despite the tears that would also form in the corners of her eyes. 

They had finished the bottle Kate had retrieved from the kitchen by the time it was her turn to speak and she insisted on getting another. She came back with an open bottle in hand and sat next to Clara on the sofa, topping up both of their drinks which now resided on the coffee table in front of them. She took a large swig of wine, folding her legs in front of her as she stared absently at the wine glass before looking up. 

"I didn't actually know Osgood outside of work," Kate began sombrely. "I didn't know her favourite colour or what movies she liked to watch, although I could hazard a guess at that last one," she deflected, gesturing with her wine glass hand as Clara cracked a sympathetic smile. 

"Heck I don't even know if the Osgood that died was human or Zygon, but it doesn't matter really. She was extraordinary and now she is gone.” Kate raised her glass and continued. “As is Ahmed, and Hunter… " she began, reciting the names of the dead as their faces came before her. Hundreds of men and women had died in service to this country, people she had never stopped to mourn. 

Clara took the glass from her hand and put it on the coffee table, putting her arm around her shoulder and pulling her into an embrace made awkward by the distance necessitated by her folded legs. It was only then she realised the pain behind her eyes that she had put down to the wine was actually her trying to hold back tears as they welled in her eyes. She unfolded her legs and allowed Clara to pull her closer, the comfort of her arms allowing the tears to spill forth as she tried to overcome the instinctual reaction to compose herself. 

“The best thing we can do is remember them,” Clara whispered and Kate nodded through the tears, allowing them to come as the sheer caring warmth of the other woman’s presence enabled her to fall apart.

She was not sure how long they sat there, Clara’s arms wrapped around her as the grief she had been holding hostage found it’s unexpected release, but when they finally separated Kate immediately missed the warmth of Clara’s body against her own. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands before fumbling for a tissue, blowing her nose as she noticed Clara yawn. 

“We should get some sleep,” she stated, capitulating to the exhaustion of their bodies. 

Clara nodded and finished the last drop of her wine, taking it and Kate’s empty glass through to the kitchen before seeking Kate out in the guest bedroom. 

“It’s been a while since I had any guests,” Kate offered, noting the files that had started encroaching from the office next door. She turned on the bedside lamp and pulled down the bed covers. “Let me get you something to change into,” Kate offered, returning a few moments later with a loose T-shirt, jogging bottoms and a spare toothbrush. 

Clara accepted them gratefully. 

“If you need anything I’m at the top of the stairs, first door on the right,” Kate offered. “Sleep well,” she added, pausing at the doorway.

“You too,” Clara acknowledged as she exited. 

Kate made her way up the stairs and got herself ready for bed, her mind running over how she had just poured herself out to a women she barely knew. She blamed the wine, the grief, the exhaustion, but she knew there was more to it. There was something about Clara that made Kate feel safe and the thought warmed her even as she found it’s inexplicableness frustrating. She pushed the thought from her mind as she sunk into the mattress, sleep claiming her almost immediately after she shut off the light. 

* * * 

When Clara awoke it took her a few minutes to remember where she was. As the memories slowly trickled back she almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Kate Lethbridge-Stewart. And yet it almost made sense, who else could she talk to about The Doctor and everything she had seen, who else would have the smallest idea what her world was like? And talking last night _had_ helped. She could now feel the smallest bit of humanity creeping back into the seeping pit of grief that had consumed the past few days of her life and that was down to Kate. 

She heard the clink of glass coming from the kitchen as she recognised the smell that had already permeated the room. She got up, throwing on the loaned jogging bottoms and running her fingers through her hair before making her way through to the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” she greeted as Kate bustled about the kitchen. 

“Oh good, you’re up,” Kate greeted with a smile. “Did you sleep well?” 

Clara nodded, accidentally highlighting the fact that her head felt quite fuzzy. “This all smells delicious, is there anything I can do?” she asked as Kate popped the toaster down. 

“No, just take a seat. Coffee?” she added. 

“Yes please,” Clara agreed emphatically as she slipped onto the stool she had inhabited the night before, her place already set. 

Kate poured Clara some coffee, getting her out some milk before turning back to the stove. 

“Hope you like omelette,” Kate voiced, throwing a look over her shoulder without turning to her guest. 

“You really didn’t have to,” Clara replied sincerely, overwhelmed by the hospitality. 

Kate turned with the pan, putting half of the omelette on Clara’s dish before placing the rest on her own. 

“I enjoy cooking but I do it so rarely. It’s nice to have an excuse,” she replied, turning to grab the newly popped toast before placing it between them. 

She looked around to see if there was anything she had forgotten before sitting down opposite Clara and putting her cloth napkin on her lap. 

Clara took a sip of her coffee before following suit.

There were a few moments of silent eating before Kate looked up and took a sip of her own coffee. 

“So how does it work with The Doctor,” she asked conversationally as she put her mug down. “Does he just pick you up when he feels like it or do you have a timetable?” 

* * *

As soon as the words were out of her mouth Kate worried that her question about The Doctor had been too personal but Clara spoke animatedly about her travels while polishing off the omelette and her coffee. She seemed different than last night, less haunted, and she hoped last night had helped in some small way. When they had both finished eating Kate looked at her watch. 

"Do you need to go?" Clara asked, and her voice sounded off, like she was forcing it to remain neutral. “You fell from a plane yesterday,” she added pointedly. 

“I’ll take it easy,” Kate affirmed with a smile as she tried to read Clara’s distracted expression. 

“Are you around tomorrow?” she asked casually. “I could use another pair of eyes in the Black Archives," she lied, needing some reason to see her again, an impulse she chalked up to wanting to ensure she wasn’t alone for too long with her grief. 

A momentary cloud passed over Clara's face before she brightened and nodded. 

"Meet you at the Tower?" Clara offered. 

Kate laughed. "I know you've been there before but you make it seem like our secret base isn't very secret,” she pointed out. 

"Perks of my hobby," Clara offered with an almost genuine smile as she stood, collecting her dishes and Kate's. "Go get ready. I'll do the dishes," she instructed. 

Kate opened her mouth to argue but saw Clara's raised eyebrows and pointed gaze and conceded. 

"Thank you," she replied gratefully as Clara took her plate. 

* * * 

Clara left Kate's Hampstead house on foot after refusing Kate's offer of a ride. She passed the closest Tube stop, having no desire to face her flat and the post it notes still hanging on her wall - the reminder of her epic apology gone wrong - and made her way through Regent's Park at a meandering pace, avoiding any happy couples as she let the past few days settle in her mind. Danny was gone. The Doctor had left. Without either of them her world had gone from almost too full to painfully deserted. She thought of Kate and the very unexpected way she allowed Clara to almost feel normal again. At least normal for someone grieving. The trappings of her life with The Doctor made even that simple thing unnecessarily complicated. It wasn't his fault. He didn't make her lie, or even force her to go with him and he didn't know any better than to disappear like he always did. Leaving her alone in this dull empty world. 

She wandered through Regent's Park and into Hyde Park, making a wide detour when she realised she would come out exactly where Danny had died. She couldn't face that spot again, not now. Before she realised how long she had walked she was at the river. She found a bus that would bring her close to her Streatham flat and got on it, watching the bustle of the streets with a lethargic apathy. 

Part of her wished she had gone in to work because at least that would've given her something to focus on but she was still on bereavement leave until Monday. Facing the school would of course have its own challenges, she had too many memories there too. 

When she got home she showered off the past day and a half before forcing herself to eat some of the food her Gran had left. She got through half a portion before abandoning the effort but even that, mixed with the shower, made her feel a little more human. She turned on the television, flicking through it absently until her inability to focus made her turn it off. She then tried to read only to find herself staring off into space. As she bounced uncomfortably from one aimless activity to the next the hours passed and the day grew dark. She went to bed at the ridiculously early hour of 20:00 and tried to fall asleep but her lethargy was not exhaustion and she lay in bed staring at the ceiling. 

After a few hours of this she got out of bed and pulled a bottle of wine from the shelf, pouring herself half a glass. She looked at her phone absently and saw a text from Kate and a missed call. The text asked if she would mind being picked up at 8 the following day. The call had been from Kate too. She smiled for the briefest of moments, remembering that she had something to do, the thinnest thread of life forcing it’s way through the otherwise indestructible bubble of grief and apathy she seemed unable to escape. 

She took a sip of her wine and texted back to say she’d be ready, an amused chuckle passing her lips when Kate replied that she’d send a car. 

She stared at the text screen wanting to say something else, to see how she coping, but Clara was not really sure what Kate was to her. They had been friends last night surely, subsumed in pain and wine and she was taking her to The Black Archives but was that only in the capacity of their roles? Was last night just the result of the kindness of allied near-strangers?

She put the phone down without typing anything further and finished her wine, rinsing the glass and brushing her teeth again before lying back down. She tried again to calm her thoughts and focus on the slight haziness left by the wine and soon fell asleep thinking that maybe tomorrow wouldn’t be quite so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the park sign by Danny’s death (while filmed beside Alexandra Gardens in Cardiff) clearly shows the image of The Serpentine in Hyde Park - not that this makes sense with Danny being close to Clara’s flat as Clara could not afford anything in that area, nor would her high rise be in that area - not with that much grassy space. So, based on that and the view from Forest in the Night my guess is she’s in South West London… Streatham probably isn’t perfect but it’s a vaguely educated guess…


	2. Chapter 2

A car was waiting outside her block of flats at 07:58 and Clara grabbed her coat and took the stairs two at a time, passing by gawking neighbours who were endlessly suspicious of long black cars with tinted windows. 

When she entered she was surprised to see Kate sitting beside her holding two coffees. 

“Thought you could use a pick me up,” she offered handing it to her once Clara had fastened her seatbelt. 

Clara inhaled the scent of it, immediately realising it wasn’t just a regular coffee, it was her highly complicated order. She raised her eyebrows at Kate as she took an enthusiastic sip. 

“How do you know my coffee order?” she asked as the warm liquid erased the last traces of last night’s wine. 

“Our files are very thorough,” Kate responded with a smirk, taking a sip of her own drink. 

Clara cocked her head, unsure if she was kidding or not and deciding she wasn’t. “Creep,” Clara joked before thinking better of it and covering her mouth before apologising. 

Kate laughed. “No need to apologise. I take it you’re feeling a bit better then?”

Clara considered herself for a moment and decided she definitely was, nodding to Kate before she took another sip of her coffee. 

They made their way to the Tower of London in a companionable silence, occasionally broken by Kate explaining something or another about policy as Clara tried to let go of everything that was haunting her. 

* * * 

“Stand here and stay very still for a moment,” Kate instructed. 

She and Clara were in the base offices so she could be scanned to allow access to the Black Archives. 

“So I can get in by myself?” Clara asked after the scan had been made. 

“There are still layers of security around the entrance but yes,” Kate affirmed as they exited the room and headed to the Archive proper. “I could have easily died when Missy decompressed that plane and now with one of the Osgoods dead I don’t want anything to happen because not enough people were able to stop it.”

“So I know about the boxes but what do they do?” Clara asked. 

“Well that is the other thing. Only Osgood and The Doctor know,” Kate explained. “So if something happens and the other Osgood is unreachable you have to get The Doctor,” she instructed placing her hand on Clara’s arm and turning them so she could meet her eyes. 

Clara nodded sombrely and Kate turned away again, her hand lingering on Clara’s arm as if hesitant to break the contact before sliding off as they continued through the hallway. 

“This is a bit eerie,” Clara remarked after a few moments of silence. “Last time I came here I was with a Zygon version of you,” she pointed out slightly nervously. 

“Well I’d say I’m really me but I know that isn’t much comfort,” Kate replied deadpan as they approached the guard who took her outstretched key. 

“Thank you Atkins,” she acknowledged as he unlocked the door. 

“You’re most welcome Ma’am,” he replied, clearly surprised that Kate remembered his name. 

“Don’t you worry about their personal lives?” Clara asked as they entered the Archive, remarking upon the memory wipes the security staff underwent daily, “Or do they remember their family and just think they have some sort of locational dementia? 

“We only wipe their memories of their shift, they probably have some peculiar behaviour but they knew what would happen when they signed up for it,” Kate responded matter-of-factly. “They are quite well compensated,” she added as Clara looked unconvinced. 

At a noise in the shelves she turned from Clara and made a beeline past numerous artefacts, turning the corner to see Osgood. For a moment her heart leapt but then she remembered this would be the other one (not that she was sure which one this was) and that one of them was still dead. 

Osgood started. “You scared me Ma’am,” she offered as she followed Kate’s eye line to the boxes before her. “I was just checking on them. Can’t be too careful.” 

“Indeed,” Kate replied abruptly before turning to Clara who stood a few steps behind. 

Clara’s eyes slid from Kate’s face to Osgood, her expression turning to an awkward half frown. “I’m sorry about your…”

“..sister,” Osgood filled in. “Thank you,” she accepted with a brief nod. 

Clara’s phone rang and she pulled it from her pocket, Kate watching perplexedly as she tried to figure out why the signal was able to penetrate the Archive. 

Clara met her eyes for a moment before answering. “The Doctor did a thing,” she explained with a half smile as she answered the phone. 

* * * 

As soon as Clara heard the voice on the other end her face fell. She knew there was a reason she had been avoiding her phone, a reason she was down here when she should’ve been at her flat. 

“I’m running a little late Gran, I’ll meet you there?” she offered, panic crossing her face as she looked at her watch. 

She met the eyes of those around her sheepishly as she hastily finished the call and hung up. 

Kate's expression quickly flicked from confusion to enlightenment. "It's Danny's funeral," she cut in before Clara could speak, meeting her eyes in a way that left her feeling childish and exposed. 

Clara bit her lip and nodded. 

"When does it start?" Kate demanded. 

"In half an hour," Clara replied wincing at the look of exasperation on her face. 

Clara knew Danny's funeral had been impending but she had been ignoring it like she had been ignoring most of her life, successfully not remembering what day it was for a good couple of days now. 

"You'll never make it in London traffic," Kate voiced as she made her way to a wall and picked up a landline. 

"Get me the helicopter," she instructed down the line before hanging up. She returned to Clara and Osgood as Osgood returned to the boxes. "And we need to get you something else to wear," she added taking in Clara's jeans and baggy sweater. "Come on," she prompted when Clara didn't move. 

"Kate, I don't want to go," she replied calmly but stubbornly. "Danny isn't there, he blew up in the sky to save the world. I can't say good bye to an urn and pretend it's him."

Kate took a step towards Clara and lowered her voice. "You need to say good bye. Maybe this won't help but maybe it will and you won't get another chance," she replied, meeting Clara's eyes and Clara saw the painful depth of old wounds. 

She was right. Even if she didn’t want to go she would never get another chance. She nodded in assent. 

"You need to have a ceremony for Osgood," she added softly, as if it was a negotiation. 

Kate looked up to where the other Osgood was still working, partially obstructed by a shelf and Clara could see hints of her grief fraying the lines of her composure. 

"We will," she affirmed, turning back to Clara before ushering her out of the archives and on to the Tower lawn. 

She could hear the helicopter as it circled lower. 

"One more thing," Kate uttered and Clara turned to face her, pulling aside the hair blowing around her face so she could see.

She noticed Kate's phone in her hand and heard the telltale snap of a photo. She looked at Kate perplexed but Kate only hit a couple buttons and held the phone to her ear. 

"Beatrice. I need a few options suitable for a funeral. Not for me, I've sent you a picture. We'll be there in five," Kate stated before hanging up and taking a step towards the nearly-landed helicopter. 

"Canary Wharf," she instructed as Clara followed her into the back. 

It was surreal, flying from the Tower to Canary Wharf, and the feeling did not leave when they landed. Kate ushered Clara to a very exclusive store in one of the towers where a few outfits in dark shades were laid out for her. Unable to dissuade Kate she begrudgingly selected a simple set of black trousers and a plain high necked black blouse with short sleeves, edged in white with black dots, and a blazer. She changed in the fitting room and heard Kate instructing it to be put on her bill. Unsure what else to do she vowed to pay her back somehow, although the fact the store was completely bereft of price tags would certainly make that a challenge. 

When she exited Kate appraised the choice with approving eyes. 

“Do you like it?" she asked, meeting Clara’s unsure gaze. 

"Yes but..." Clara began to reply, trying to address the cost. 

"Good. We have five minutes left," Kate cut off, looking at her watch before gesturing for Clara to follow her back to the awaiting helicopter. 

When they were ensconced Kate retrieved a small bag. 

"My colouring is a bit different but you might be able to find something in here," she offered. "Assuming the ride doesn't put you off," Kate added as Clara opened the makeup bag. 

"It's smoother than some train rides I've had," Clara joked looking at Kate gratefully before rummaging through the proffered bag. 

“And you might need these,” Kate offered, grabbing out a thin pack of tissues and tucking them into her blazer pocket.

In the end she decided on a few low key touches, just enough to take the attention away from the bags under her eyes. 

"Thank you," she offered sincerely as they touched down, trying to convey the depth of her appreciation. She still might not want to be here but the fact Kate had gone through so much on her behalf touched her and gave her the push to accept that maybe this was where she needed to be. 

Kate's response was overshadowed by the helicopter as it took off again and Clara turned, taking off at a run toward the church. 

She found her Gran standing just beyond the main crowd of people, her face searching the distance until she she recognised Clara coming towards her. 

"Cutting it close dear," she observed before taking in Clara’s outfit. “You look lovely.”

"Thanks," came Clara’s slightly breathless reply. 

“Did you hear the helicopter? I was trying to figure out what a helicopter was doing here,” her Gran remarked. 

Clara was saved from a reply by the general bustle behind them of people entering the church. 

*

It was hard to be here, to watch everyone talking about Danny without knowing what had happened. The urn in the centre kept reminding her of 3W and, despite trying to dismiss it from her mind, the hideous lie of the dead being conscious while being cremated kept her anxious as she kept reminding herself that his body exploded inside a Cyberman suit. 

It wasn’t until it was over and the attending throng, including the headteacher of their school and a few of the students, had dissipated that she felt anything but frustration. Once the crowds had cleared a bit she could feel the grief she had been bottling away returning slowly but she held it in check until she and Gran were the last ones at the grave. 

“Can I have a moment?” she asked her Gran who nodded and told her she’d meet her by the road, clasping her shoulder for a moment before leaving her alone with the newly interred urn. 

Clara squatted down. 

“I’m sorry,” she began, addressing the earth before her, “You deserved better than me. And I lied to you,” she interrupted with a morose chuckle. “Again. I do lie to him too. I didn’t tell him about you but you made my real life something I always wanted to come back to. And I could see it,” she continued, her voice cracking as the tears began to run down her face. “I could see our house, and the trips we’d go on together and the garden we’d tend on the weekends. And every morning we’d make our lunches together before heading off to work. I could see birthdays and Christmases and children. I met our great great grandson for goodness sake!” she burst out as the sobbing made it momentarily impossible for her to continue. “It might not have been a life of adventure,” she continued when the sobbing subsided. “But I would’ve been happy. The world is worse off without you Danny Pink, I am worse off without you.” 

The tears came again and she let them water the ground before standing, wiping off those that remained and blowing her nose from a tissue pack Kate had tucked in her blazer. 

She turned from the gravesite and made her way back to her Gran, knowing Kate had been right - she had needed this. 

* * * 

Kate hung up the call. She had finally finished the arrangements for Osgood’s memorial. The grave would be unnamed, it would have to be to maintain the identify of the Osgood still alive, and although she understood the reasoning it somehow seemed to diminish her death. 

She sighed and turned back to the various communiques that had come in during the last hour and wondered how Clara was getting on at the funeral. She hadn’t quite been able to figure the young woman out - she had a remarkable inner strength and determination but Danny’s death and the fallout had left her disconnected and alternatively flighty and morose. She only hoped Clara would be able to forgive herself for all of those little things she was currently using as self-punishment. 

Kate realised her mind had wandered again and steered herself away from further reflection, getting up from her chair to fix herself another coffee. It was going to be a long night. 

* * * 

Clara had been tossing and turning when she heard the voice, Danny’s voice. She might have been dreaming but she didn’t care. She followed it to a light taking up her hallway as she begged him to come back, to be with her. Yet when the light diminished she was left with a a young boy, brought back from the Nethersphere as Danny’s redemption for killing him all those years ago. It was then she knew it wasn’t a dream. 

She got the boy settled as best she could on the couch and went back to bed, but she was wide awake. She turned to her phone, flicking the screen to her message with Kate. Kate would be able to help but it was 4am and she didn’t want to wake her. 

She got out of bed and wandered down to the couch, finding the boy wide awake and fiddling with the bracelet that had brought him back. 

Through hand gestures she asked if she could sit next to him and when he agreed she did so, picking up the remote to the TV and flicking it on, the image startling him for a moment as Clara settled on some very early morning cartoons. They watched the television in companionable silence until the sun rose. 

At seven she called Kate for advice.


	3. Chapter 3

Osgood’s memorial was a small and somber affair with half a dozen people, including the other Osgood, Clara and the boy, who would only refer to himself as Promise. Kate spoke, doing everything she could to pay tribute to Osgood's memory without ignoring the double still very present, yet she left the funeral feeling more empty - as if the ceremony had made the loss real. 

They went for lunch, the private section of a local restaurant held aside for the occasion, and Kate tried to break the otherwise subdued gathering by engaging Promise in conversation. The boy was polite but staunchly silent until Kate tried some Arabic at which point his eyes lit up and he began to speak in a speedy flow of words Kate had to work hard to distinguish. 

"What is he saying?" Clara asked transfixed as Kate concentrated, not realising just how rusty she had become. 

Promise turned to Clara and pointed before uttering another string of mostly familiar words at a slower pace. 

"He wants me to tell you that the solider kept his promise even though he was in pain and wanted to be with you," Kate translated, catching the way this affected Clara out of the corner of her eye and moving her hand to Clara’s arm, grasping it momentarily in reassurance before retreating. 

“His real name is Tamir,” she continued, trying to keep up with his speech. “He’s trying to describe where he and Danny were but I can’t catch the words,” she added before chuckling. "He says I should come live with you,” she translated turning to Clara. “So he can talk to you.” 

“If anyone is moving in with anyone we’re coming to yours,” Clara remarked, turning to Tamir. “Her house is much nicer.”

Tamir paused and Kate translated this as best she could. A small laugh passed his lips as his smile grew wide. 

Kate spent the rest of the lunch teaching Tamir a few phrases in English and trying to catch him up on the search for his parents while he tried to remember bits of his past that would help. As lunch came to its natural resolution they parted, Kate and Clara making plans to have dinner the following night. 

As Kate made her way home she realised the emptiness she felt at Osgood’s loss, while not lessened, had at least become less invasive. 

* * * 

Kate was early, Clara thought with a hint of frustration as she tried to get Tamir to tidy his sleeping space in the living room. She left him finally understanding the concept and ran to the door to let Kate in. 

“The buses were a mess today,” Kate indicated after the initial pleasantries as she wrapped up her umbrella and put it down on Clara’s entrance mat along with the groceries she had purchased. 

“Ah, traveling with the great unwashed?” Clara teased. “You’re early so it couldn’t’ve been that bad,” she pointed out. 

“Well between the traffic and changing drivers I’m surprised,” Kate replied before raising an eyebrow. “And I’ll have you know I use public transport most of the time,” she added with mock defensiveness. 

“When you’re not whisking people away in cars and helicopters,” Clara countered. 

“Sometimes we use vans,” Kate pointed out straight-faced before a hint of a smile spread across her lips.

Clara narrowed her eyes, trying to keep the smile from her face. She had been a bit nervous about having Kate come around but any worry had been quickly dispelled when the older woman arrived. She was starting to recognise the difference between Unit-Kate, authoritative and unflappable, and home-Kate, who was companionable, funny and sensitive. The first had her utmost respect and the second was quickly becoming a good friend. 

“Take me to your kitchen,” Kate requested once she had hung up her coat, hefting one of the bags while Clara took the other. 

“You know you didn’t have to cook,” Clara reminded her as Kate followed her to the kitchen, putting the bags on the floor as she started to pull out some of the items within. 

“I told you I enjoy it, and there are three of us now,” she pointed out as Tamir came into view. 

“Hello,” Kate greeted while unpacking the other bag. 

“Hell-o,” Tamir replied heavily accented. 

“His confidence is much better although he’s still very quiet,” Clara informed her. 

Kate pulled a book from one of the bags and handed it to Tamir and for a moment Clara thought she had misheard her but of course she was addressing him in Arabic. 

She turned to Clara. “It’s _Arabian Nights_ , the only book I could find in Arabic on short notice.”

Clara looked at Kate with wide eyes, touched on his behalf by her thoughtfulness. 

“That is very sweet of you,” she offered as Kate brushed it off. 

“Thank you,” Tamir responded in English as he scurried out of the room, holding the new book tightly. 

Clara surveyed the kitchen. “Is there anything else I can get you?” she asked. 

Kate gestured to the oven. “I see you’re making soufflé?”

Clara nodded. “My mum’s recipe. I figured least I could do was desert,” she pointed out. 

“Sounds good,” Kate affirmed before shooing Clara from her own kitchen. 

Clara went back to the tidier living room to see Tamir reading avidly on the couch. She grabbed her book from the coffee table and sat on the chair to the side, reading as delicious smells came from the kitchen. 

*

It took six more days for Kate to find Tamir’s family and in that time she had dinner with them twice, Tamir growing in confidence each time. 

Kate was unable to get away from work when it came time to send him home but she called ahead to let Clara know she was sending a few plainclothes troops to escort Tamir to the airport. Although Tamir seemed hesitantly excited, ‘Home’ being one of the English words he had picked up, he also looked sad when the troops finally arrived. One of the troops spoke a little Arabic but as both he and Clara urged Tamir to go with them the young boy shook his head, instead making his way over to Clara. Clara crouched down before him, trying to explain that he was going home to his parents. The young boy closed the space between them and shyly wrapped his arms around Clara’s body as tears jumped to her eyes. 

“Promise sorry,” he said haltingly as he released her. “Thank you,” he added seriously before turning and following the troops out of her apartment. 

“You are very welcome,” Clara called after them. “Have a good life,” she added hollowly as the door shut behind them, the flat suddenly feeling oppressively silent. 

She looked around absently before deciding to tidy, sadly erasing all memory of Tamir’s stay out of necessity. When she had finished she plopped down on the couch, toggling between Kate’s number and The Doctor’s. She took a breath and settled on The Doctor’s number listening to the rings until she gave up and disconnected the call. She flipped back to Kate’s number, checking her watch to see what time it was. 6pm. She knew Kate would still be working so clicked off her phone and instead hunted out the marking she had been avoiding. 

* * *  
It had been the week for black as Kate attended all of the various memorials to the victims of Boat One. Try as she might she could not shake the feeling that she should be with them, dead and mourned, but instead she was here, doing her best to show support for their families and honour their memories. 

As she left the last ceremony, to Colonel Ahmed, the guilt she had been more or less holding at bay flooded her. She took a deep breath, moving behind a tree as she tried to compose herself. She knew the guilt was pointless, that it couldn’t bring them back or do anything but hamper her ability to lead, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that she hadn’t done enough. 

She needed a distraction. 

She moved from the tree and flicked on her phone, skimming through her contacts until she came to Clara - complete with the photo she had taken from the tower of Clara looking tired and awkward but somehow still doing it with an attractive grace. She hesitated for a moment before hitting the call button, letting the phone ring.

* * * 

The Doctor had come back two weeks after Clara had called, making assumptions about the bracelet she still wore and what it meant. But he had found Gallifrey and she couldn’t take that away from him. They parted for the final time, her heart instinctually numbing against the pain she tried not to feel as the Tardis’s wheezing faded out. 

Her phone rang. She thought about not picking it up but she looked at the screen and saw that it was Kate and knew if anyone would understand it would be her. 

"You sound as bad as I feel," Clara noted when Kate greeted her. "How about ice cream, takeaway and a period drama?” 

"I was thinking wine," came Kate's reply. "But no reason we can't do all four." 

"I'll get the takeaway and the film and you get the ice cream and wine?" Clara suggested. "Meet you at yours?"

"That is rather presumptuous of you," Kate responded, a teasing edge to her otherwise tired voice. 

"Well we can go to mine but you have a bigger screen," Clara pointed out. 

Kate chuckled. "Mine is fine," she responded. "I'll be home in about an hour.” 

"See you then," Clara signed off before ending the call and pocketing her phone. 

She glanced at the place the Tardis had last inhabited and took a deep breath. She knew she would never forget The Doctor for as long as she lived but she needed to go back to the life she had without him. Hopefully spending time with Kate would help. 

* * *

"So why was your day wine-worthy?" Clara asked as she unpacked the tubs of curry and rice while Kate took out plates. 

"It was last of the memorials for those lost on Boat One," she responded with what she hoped was an even tone, pausing as the feeling of inadequacy flooded her once again. 

"Kate?" Clara asked and Kate turned to find her friend watching her intently. 

"Ummhmm?" She replied, trying to force a smile but she could still feel pain burning behind her eyes. 

“I've been with The Doctor long enough to know what survivor's guilt looks like," Clara pointed out with sympathetic clarity. 

Kate brushed it off, turning away from her wholly accurate assessment and trying to fake nonchalance as she returned to pull out some glasses. 

She felt Clara's hand on her arm and turned instinctively to face her. 

"You can't lie to me Stewart," Clara mock reprimanded, her eyes holding serious intent as her hand fell to her side. 

Kate felt exposed by that deep brown gaze but Clara’s eyes also held such sympathy and compassion that Kate found herself relenting. She sighed as Clara raised her eyebrows expectantly. 

"Yes it bothers me that people died. So many of my people…” she trailed off for a moment, her eyes wandering to the distance. "Maybe if I increased the shielding for the plane or hidden the digital signature,” she postulated before shaking her head and looking away, trying to keep the pressure behind her eyes at bay. “I know it can’t fix it now but some decision I made killed them," she admitted bluntly as she swallowed the lump in her throat, meeting Clara's eyes with exhaustion before turning back to the cabinets. 

“Kate Lethbridge-Stewart,” Clara commanded and Kate turned to her, raising her eyebrows incredulously. There were only a few people on the planet who would think of using that tone with her and most of them were family and dead. 

"Stop being so hard on yourself,” Clara instructed, her voice softening with a hint of embarrassment at her previous tone, “You do the best you can for the Earth and everyone on it. That is all anyone can ever ask," she pointed out.

And part of Kate knew she was right but it didn’t stop the guilt she felt for everyone who had died under her command. 

She watched as Clara’s eyes focused on some object in the distance before she spoke again.

“Sometimes the only decisions are bad ones but you still have to decide," she recited distantly before her eyes snapped to Kate’s again. 

"Did something happen?" Kate asked, her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out the reason for Clara's change in behaviour. "You never did tell me why it was an ice cream evening," Kate remarked, almost glad for the distraction from her own feelings as she tried to draw Clara out. 

Clara leaned against the island, her hands fidgeting as she looked down for a moment before replying. 

"I'd rather not talk about it?" Clara replied hesitantly, her face crinkling in self-conscious apology. 

"I didn't realise you had such double standards Ms Oswald," Kate tried to tease in an attempt to lighten the mood while investigating Clara’s face for any hint of what had happened.

"Not never, just not right now," she confirmed meeting Kate's eyes seriously. 

Kate let herself fall into those chestnut pools, so deeply peppered with grief, and tried to ascertain the cause to no avail. 

“Alright,” Kate begrudgingly accepted as she handed Clara a plate and opened the utensil drawer. 

* * * 

Clara didn’t mention The Doctor all evening. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to confide in Kate but she needed time to process her pain. At the moment she couldn’t see her world without him in it and that thought itself caused tears to threaten. Yet surely she had been more or less happy before he had come into her life and she would be happy again. And _he_ was happy - how could she begrudge him that?

They were seated next to each other on the couch and half way through the three episode mini-series Clara had borrowed from the library when Kate turned to her, the sudden attention pulling her from her reflections. Clara met her eyes, catching a flash of concern followed by indecision. Kate hesitated before turning back to the screen. 

“She looks kind of like you,” Kate remarked, diverting attention by pointing to the _Death comes to Pemberley_ character. “A younger less attractive version to be sure…” she added trailing off as she met Clara’s eyes again and Clara saw something new in them that was quickly covered up by a hint of embarrassment.

“I get that a lot,” Clara replied, still watching Kate who had turned away again to watch the screen. “Although more for a soap the actress was in prior to this,” she continued, turning back to the screen herself and trying to focus on the things she did have.

She turned to look at Kate for a moment, catching Kate’s eye and giving her a half smile. 

“Thank you for this,” she offered simply, realising how easy it was to be here with Kate, the smallest warmth cracking the numbness within her. 

“Of course,” Kate replied, narrowing her eyes for a moment and Clara could tell she was hoping for more, some explanation of her behaviour. “Anytime,” she added with a cautious smile when Clara remained silent. 

* * * 

The evening went quickly, and although Kate wanted to know what had happened to Clara, she accepted her decision not to share and did her best to focus on enjoying the company.

“We should do that again,” Clara remarked as she got her coat. 

“How about next Friday?” Kate asked. “Unless you have something more interesting to do on Fridays?” she back-pedalled, picturing Clara clubbing in a tight but otherwise presentable skirt.

“Nope, just me and my marking,” Clara replied as Kate snapped from the image to her friend’s face. 

“Good. I’ll cook,” Kate offered with a smile. 

“I’ll bring the movie,” Clara replied.

There was an awkward silence as neither seemed sure of what to say next. 

“See you, then,” Clara finally remarked, taking a step towards Kate and wrapping her arms around her neck. “Be nicer to yourself,” Clara stated softly but with a hint of school-teacher reprimand, her breath tracing Kate’s ear as Kate returned the embrace. 

“Yes Ma’am,” Kate teased, lingering in the comfort of Clara’s arms before separating, smiling as Clara turned and exited her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The soufflé, of course, burnt. ; )


	4. Chapter 4

Clara paced her small apartment. She had been trying to focus on her marking, a book, the television, anything apart from the fact it was the first Wednesday since The Doctor had left. It wasn’t like he arrived every Wednesday but it had been pretty consistent as of late and his absence brought to light just how empty she felt without the knowledge that he was coming for her.

Her colleagues had noticed a change in her but she could hardly tell them that her best friend was a time traveling alien who thought he brought Danny back from the dead and had now gone back to his home world - previously hidden in a pocket of space-time at the end of the universe. 

But there was one person she could talk to… 

* * * 

Kate shut the door behind her after another late night at the office, hanging up her coat and dropping her keys on the hallway table. 

She went into her kitchen to try to source a small meal when her phone rang. 

“Stewart,” she answered lazily without even looking at the screen. 

“Kate, it’s Clara,” came the voice on the other line. 

Kate shut the fridge door and turned. 

“Hi Clara, is everything okay?” she asked. 

“Yea…. well no. Are you busy?” Clara replied. 

“I am never too busy for you Clara,” she responded honestly, feeling that she had given something away as her stomach rumbled. 

She went to hunt down her handsfree earpiece, connecting it to her phone and putting it in her ear while listening to Clara relay what she had not told her at the weekend. 

“It’s Wednesday and I realise he’s never going to be here this Wednesday or any other,” Clara explained. 

“Danny?” Kate asked carefully, feeling like she was missing something obvious as she returned to the fridge and found some leftovers in the freezer. 

“The Doctor,” Clara replied. “He found Gallifrey and he’s not coming back.”

Kate shut the freezer and paused for a moment with the frozen container in her hand, her mind throwing into hundreds of calculations as to what this would mean for Earth. 

“I don’t know why I can’t just accept it and let it go but…..I miss him Kate,” Clara continued on the other side of the line, the pain in her voice throwing Kate from her calculations as she focused her attention. 

Kate was silent for a moment, trying to figure out how best to comfort her friend. 

When Kate clicked off her phone the battery was nearly dead - they had spoken for almost two hours.

* * *   
Life without The Doctor slowly became easier as one week became one month, became two. Weekend movie night at Kate’s became a reasonably regular occurrence and the consistency of it helped her to accept her life post-Doctor. She was also in contact with Kate during the week and had come to rely quite heavily on the older woman’s presence in her life. She had other friends of course but something about the way she didn’t have to filter her life when they spoke made Kate essential to her and slowly allowed her to feel whole again. 

She started to plan various exotic holidays - realising there was so much on this world she had never experienced. She also began helping UNIT in the occasional minor alien incursion, and while it was a bitter sweet reminder of The Doctor’s absence, it nicely complimented the otherwise sedate existence she had started to lead.

Life seemed to be returning, if not to normal, at least to a state Clara was happy with.

* * *   
Kate turned up to bridge on Sunday exhausted. Again. Movie nights with Clara were now pretty consistently on Saturdays and she was running out of excuses for her sluggish behaviour. Her friends had started teasing her about a secret lover, which she had vociferously denied but her inability to tell them about Clara made them ignore her protests and instead pass knowing smiles between them. 

What could she say? She could hardly say introduce them to the best friend of a time traveling alien who sometimes worked as a consultant for the top secret government organisation she was in charge of. And the fact Clara was younger than both of her sons made it hard to make up any other story. 

And so her friends joked and she took it with as much grace as she could muster. They would have to give it up eventually. 

* * *   
Clara gave her perfunctory knock before entering Kate's house, pausing in the doorway when she heard her speaking to someone else in a raised voice.

"...not going to take you off the black list until you talk to someone about your attempted suicide.”

Another voice broke in but Kate cut it off. 

“I don't care what you say, chasing that many pills with half a bottle of whiskey is not the action of someone I want in my platoon." 

She had never heard Kate so uncontrollably frustrated. Realising belatedly she had stumbled upon something she shouldn't be listening to she loudly shut the door behind her. 

"Kate?" She called out as if she had heard nothing. 

She heard Kate mutter before coming out to greet her, followed by a man her age in a Westfield’s mall security uniform, jacket undone. 

"Hi Clara, this is my son Gordon," she offered gesturing between them. 

Gordon held out his hand and Clara shook it, trying to be oblivious to the way Kate was rubbing the back of her neck, still clearly on edge. 

"Nice to meet you," he offered politely but evenly. "I was just leaving," he explained turning to his mother. 

"No, you're staying for dinner," Kate countered in a tone that brokered no argument. "I made plenty," she added softening as she glanced at Clara. 

Gordon acquiesced but not without sending his mother a filthy look and Clara got the feeling he would have objected if it hadn't been for her presence. He turned from them, heading back into the kitchen and Clara could hear him open the cupboard. 

Kate reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze as she met her eyes with apology. 'Sorry,' she mouthed before turning and following her son into the kitchen. 

They ate in the dinning room on impressively decorated plates Clara had never seen. She assumed use of the good plates was a dig on Gordon's part to Kate's insistence that he stay but if so Kate showed no outward sign of annoyance. She was, however, stiffer than Clara usually saw her. It was an odd melange of military and maternal and she couldn't quite get her head around this new side to her. 

"So Clara, how did you meet mum?" Gordon asked casually after they had exhausted the weather and the traffic. 

Clara shot Kate a look and met an expression of concealed panic on Kate's face. 

"Work," Clara replied vaguely at the same time Kate stated an anxious ‘That's confidential.’ Clara raised her eyebrows at the woman beside her, she had never seen Kate so thrown off. 

"Clara is a civilian consultant," Kate admitted, recovering herself somewhat. 

Gordon nodded before turning to Clara. 

"So what’s your day job when you're not consulting?" he asked with a probing casualness. 

Clara looked as Kate hesitantly, knowing the answer would seem nonsensical. Kate shrugged and nodded. 

"I'm a teacher," she replied. 

“Which university?” he followed up before taking a bite of his food. 

“I actually teach secondary,” Clara replied with forced confidence, leaving out the name and location as neither were as prestigious as he was expecting. 

Gordon raised his eyebrows. 

"She has a very unique knowledge base," Kate clarified, raising an eyebrow at Clara who smiled. 

"Fine," Gordon huffed. "Can't even have a casual conversation in this house without cloak and dagger can you Mum?"

"That is unfair Gordon," she pointed out, clearly hurt. 

"But not untrue," he countered standing and putting his napkin in his half eaten meal. "I shouldn't have come,” he added with finality. 

"Gordon wait," Kate instructed as she stood up and followed him out of the room with an apology to Clara. 

Kate met him in the hallway and although Clara heard the frustration in Kate's voice they were speaking in hushed tones and she couldn't make out the details. 

The door shut and Kate came back into the dining room.

"I'm sorry to put you in the middle of that," she apologised. 

"It's okay," Clara replied, standing and closing the small distance between them as she put her hand on Kate's arm, looking up at her sympathetically. 

Kate brushed the fingers of her hand across the back of Clara’s in acknowledgement before stepping away and making her way back to her seat. 

"I swear he's 29 going on 14 with the way he acts sometimes," she uttered shaking her head as she sat down again. 

Clara returned to her chair in silence, grasping the fact that Kate's son was 2 years older than her. 

"You started early," she replied offhandedly taking a bite of her food. 

Kate looked over at her slyly. “Earlier than my dad would've liked,” she replied. 

"You don't talk about your ex-husband often," Clara prompted, hoping this could distract her from the issues with Gordon. 

"It was a long time ago and he died a few years after we got divorced," Kate replied and Clara thought she could hear a hint of that deep sadness she sometimes noticed in Kate. 

"How did you meet?" she asked cautiously, watching Kate intently. 

Kate sighed, putting down her fork to take a sip of her wine before continuing. 

”He was a military brat too. We ended up in the same base and after being together for a while I got pregnant. It was an accident but we thought we were in love so we go married," Kate explained, trying to be casual about it but Clara could sense her nostalgia. 

"We had Ellis a couple years later but we were a mess. After we got divorced he was called to serve again. I stayed home and got into the scientific division. He died.," Kate stared absently at the food in front of her for a moment before snapping back to Clara's face. 

"Not all that interesting really," she brushed off but Clara couldn't drop her sympathetic expression. 

"Just puts everything in perspective," Clara commented softly after a moment of reflective silence. 

"What?" Kate asked curiously. 

"Life," she replied simply, thinking for a moment about the life she would've had with Danny but even if he had survived nothing was written in stone, nothing was simple. 

"I guess so,” Kate replied returning to her food as they ate for a moment in silence. 

“I have a bit of a confession to make,” Clara offered, the unintended betrayal niggling at her. 

Kate looked up questioningly. 

“I may have heard part of the conversation before I came in. Not on purpose of course but you knew I was coming and the door was unlocked so I just came in like usual…” Clara explained. 

Clara could see Kate try to remember what they had said before she had announced herself. 

“How much?” she asked with a worried defensiveness. 

Clara hesitated. “Enough to know that he’s not in the best place,” she replied. 

Kate sighed, looking down at her food and moving it around her plate with her fork, the exposure giving her pause. 

“I’m sorry Kate,” Clara repeated when Kate didn’t respond right away, putting her fork down and sliding her hand over Kate’s as she tried to catch her eyes. The gesture felt natural but there was a warmth in that touch that suffused her. 

“It’s fine,” Kate finally replied in a tone that relayed only exhaustion as she looked up at Clara briefly before returning to her plate. “It’s just one of those things we don’t usually talk about,” Kate explained. 

“Maybe you should,” Clara prompted softly, looking at her friend intently as she gently pulled her hand away and returned it to her fork, the contact beginning to feel like an intrusion. 

Kate looked up, her lips in an unimpressed line, as she surveyed Clara with a mixture of annoyance and amusement. 

“You are just….” Kate stated, shaking her head as she broke off the statement. “He was a solider,” she explained, “A lot of people under him died and he didn’t cope very well.”

“Sounds a little familiar,” Clara remarked evenly, catching Kate’s eyes pointedly before speaking again. “And because you won’t let him join Unit he does mall security,” she added, skating over her observation as she took another bite. 

Kate narrowed her eyes at Clara before turning away. 

“He’s less of a threat without ammo,” Kate pointed out with a sigh as she took her final bite before putting her fork down and wiping her mouth with her napkin. 

Clara nodded wordlessly as she chewed.

“Please tell me you brought a movie cheerier than this conversation," Kate joked straight-faced. 

Clara raised her brows as she thought of the betrayal, mass murders and incest in the period drama she had chosen for that evening. She swallowed the bite of food. 

"Ummm... "

* 

[ "I don't blame her brothers really," ](http://images2.static-bluray.com/reviews/10437_1.jpg) Clara stated, trying to lighten the mood while gesturing to the incestuous scene of _Queen Margot_. "Although I'd hopefully think differently if I actually _was_ her brother," she clarified. 

Kate stared at her friend oddly for a moment, her eyebrows raised. 

"Oh don't give me those eyebrows. You can't say she isn't attractive," Clara justified, gesturing to the screen again. 

Kate stared at Clara, blushing a little as she took a moment before responding. 

"I suppose so," she blustered, clearly uncomfortable. 

Clara shifted in her seat to face Kate.

"But? There’s a but in there," Clara prodded, pausing the film and watching Kate’s discomfort with a poorly concealed smile. 

Kate turned to her. "There is no but,” she insisted.

"But you don't kiss girls?" Clara pushed. She could blame the wine but she knew it had little to do with it. She was enjoying seeing Kate embarrassed. It made her more tangible somehow and oddly adorable.

"Do you?" Kate asked, as if the question itself had shocked her. 

"Sometimes," she admitted casually. "I don't see the point in limiting myself. But you never answered my question," she impishly insisted. 

Kate sighed, pausing for a moment as she considered her response. "When I was at boarding school I had a friend and we used to practice kissing on each other but no. I don't usually go around kissing girls," she confirmed. 

"Maybe you should start," Clara replied with a cheeky smile before taking a sip of her wine. Her eyes fell to Kate’s lips for the briefest moment and her breath caught, the realisation of her attraction giving her pause before she buried it. Kate was clearly her very straight friend and she didn’t want to upset that. She put her wine glass down and forced the thought from her mind. 

"Is that what you did with The Doctor - travel though time and space kissing girls?" Kate teased taking another sip of her wine. 

"Just the one," Clara replied with a wicked grin as she hit play again. 

Kate narrowed her eyes at her but Clara only chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 1: The one being Jane Austen of course… ; ) 
> 
> A/N 2: Gordon's name was initially Tom until I found out there was some pre-reboot reference of one of Kate’s sons being named Gordon (thank you [brosephine-grant](http://brosephine-grant.tumblr.com/) for the clarification). I fought with this for a while but my desire for staying on point when possible overran my hatred of the name Gordon… (Did kill the _Lucifer_ reference I had completely accidentally built into the fic though...) 
> 
> A/N 3: [Queen Margot](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110963/) \- in case anyone is interested. (Never seen _Death comes to Pemberley_ but love this movie.)


	5. Chapter 5

Kate entered her house, the silence odd after spending Christmas and Boxing Day at her younger son’s house, alive with the chatter of her grandson James and the general activity of the various adults. She took off her coat and shoes, dropped her keys on the table and put her small suitcase by the stairs before pulling out her phone and heading into the kitchen. She turned it on as she grabbed herself a drink, checking her email for anything urgent from work before flipping to her text messages and frowning when she realised it was Saturday and she hadn’t spoken to Clara since Christmas Eve. She had meant to text on Christmas but had made a point of staying away from her phone as much as possible - trying to enjoy the time with her family and hoping this Christmas would be as quiet as the last few.

She hit the call button on Clara’s contact and listened as the phone rang, her breath catching as Clara responded - she hadn't realised just how worried she had been. 

"Clara, its Kate. Everything okay?" she asked. 

"Of course. You? You sound worried, did something happen?" Clara replied, her voice laced with concern. 

Kate's mind raced, wondering why Clara didn't understand her concern as she very briefly questioned whether her view of their friendship was a shared one. 

"Clara it's Saturday - where are you?" she asked, noting an odd singing noise on the line. 

"Listening to a choir of fluorescent bat people. They use their wings to produce this amazing sound,” Clara replied and for the briefest moment she wondered if Clara had been drugged but then she heard a familiar Scottish tone. 

"The Doctor," Kate replied, relief flooding her even as her heart sank. 

"Yea. He came back on Christmas Day. Sorry - I guess we lost track of time. I'm usually back by now," Clara apologised, sounding sincerely upset to have concerned her. 

"As long as you’re safe," Kate replied, hating the way the happiness in Clara’s voice was making her stomach clench.

"Well as safe as I ever am travelling with The Doctor," Clara replied. 

There was a rustling in the background and a familiar voice. "Is that Kate?" The Doctor asked. 

"Yes," came Clara's muffled reply. 

She didn't hear his response but when Clara came back on the line she was slightly breathless. 

"Gotta go Kate, ring when I'm back," she uttered quickly before the line went dead. 

Kate clicked her phone off and looked about her house, suddenly feeling the emptiness as an oppressive force. Her eyes settled on some security briefings she had hoped to avoid and she sat down next to them, picking them up and turning the first page. She got half way through the first page when she decided to get herself some food, two pages later she needed a refill of her drink and three pages after that she decided to change into her pyjamas. No matter what she tried to do she couldn’t get herself to concentrate - her mind wandering to what The Doctor being back would mean. She should be relieved, not only was her friend clearly happier but he would likely be around to save earth should anything untoward end up in the vicinity. And yet all the knowledge did was make her realise how much she had grown to rely on Clara being in her life. 

She eventually gave the security briefing up as useless and went to bed early, only reading 40 pages of the 167 page document. 

At bridge the following day she still couldn't focus and while her friends seemed reticent to acknowledge her scatty behaviour during the game, Ann pulled her aside as she was leaving to ask if she was okay. 

“Is it a government thing or has something happened with that guy you were seeing?” she asked, eyes wrinkled in concern. 

“Nothing is the matter and I am not seeing anyone,” Kate replied emphatically. “I must not have slept well,” she responded softer, taking her coat from the hook and putting it on. 

“I don’t mean to pry or upset you but something is off with you darling. I’ve known you a long time and I can tell. If you’re not going to tell me, at least tell someone,” she offered with raised eyebrows and a hopeful smile. 

“I’m sorry, I know you mean well,” she apologised. “Thank you. See you next week,” she added, kissing her friend on the cheek before turning and hurriedly exiting the house.

She tried to put her friend’s words out of her head but they kept returning. Part of her knew Ann was right, something was off, but Kate wasn’t quite able to put her finger on what it was making her feel so strange and she had no inclination to do anything but make it stop. 

* * * 

“You were spending a lot of time with Kate when I was gone then?” The Doctor asked absently, seemingly apropos of nothing, as he looked up from a book he had been reading for at least half an hour. 

They had been traveling again off and on for a couple of months (Earth Standard Time) and this sudden personal question seemed highly uncharacteristic. 

Clara looked up from her marking. “Yea,” she acknowledged with a shrug. “Still am. It’s hard to talk to anyone else and she’s a good friend,” Clara added as she watched The Doctor, her eyes narrowing. “Why?”

“You mention her a lot,” The Doctor replied looking back at his book as if already bored with the conversation he had started.

“I suppose I do,” Clara admitted suspiciously. 

“It’s okay if you like her,” he replied, looking up again briefly, almost embarrassed to have made the suggestion as his eyes returned to his book. 

“I do like her,” Clara responded, her tone bordering on annoyed as her expression held only confusion. 

The Doctor looked up. 

“Good. Good. Kate is lovely. Good family,” he muttered before turning back to his book. 

“Wait a minute, you mean _like_ her. No we’re friends,” Clara clarified as she felt a heat in her cheeks and a buzz in her gut.

The Doctor looked up again and pointed at her. “You’re doing it again, the slight flush, your eyes are wider and the pace of your breathing has increased by 0.003 seconds,” he pointed out. 

Clara furrowed her brows. “No way you can calculate my respirating with that accuracy,” Clara challenged. 

“If you say so boss,” The Doctor replied, returning to his book as Clara stared at him with irritation, her mind trying to piece together what he had pointed out. 

Clara couldn’t deny that Kate had become important to her, that she enjoyed being in the other woman’s company. She felt a familiar warmth at the thought of it and allowed the thought she had been fighting for months to take hold. She tried to keep her features even as she caught The Doctor, still looking at his book, with a wide grin expanding across his face. It must’ve been _really_ obvious if even he noticed. She started to feel panicked, wondering if Kate knew and what the other woman would say, before realising nothing had really changed. If Kate knew then she had accepted it and if she didn’t know it didn’t matter. They enjoyed spending time together and Clara would never do anything to make her friend uncomfortable. 

* * *  
It was organised chaos at the Unit base. Planes had stopped in mid flight all over the world and while her team tried various methods of identifying exactly what was happening, Kate called Clara. Her mobile was not responding and Kate realised she’d be at work as she hung up the line and dialled the number her staff had just provided for Coal Hill School. She hated to interrupt Clara’s real life but knew the lives of all those on the planes, not to mention anyone on the ground, could depend on her assistance.

She got put through to the headteacher who thought she was a prank caller and only when she gave her full rank and title and threatened to put the Prime Minister on did he acquiesce and promise to pass the message on. 

Her mobile rang a few minutes later and she heard Clara’s voice, slightly breathless, and smiled in spite of the situation. 

“I’m mobilising a helicopter to get you,” she relayed once she ascertained that Clara recognised the situation and had been excused from her duties. 

Clara declined. “Think it through,” she pointed out and Kate closed her eyes momentarily against her own idiocy before signalling for the helicopter to stand down. 

Clara arrived fifteen minutes later, calm, direct and seemingly very much at home in the control station of the base she had only visited a handful of times.

"He's not answering his phone. Have you tried?" Kate asked as she fell into step with her. 

"We don't know enough yet. He doesn't appreciate gossip," came Clara's offhanded response. 

Kate looked at her for a moment dumbfounded - only Clara Oswald would see all the planes sitting still in the air and calmly call any reaction gossip. 

“How many planes?” Clara asked before running through a string of observations and hypotheses with Kate and Jac, her additions impressively astute as they tried to figure out the conundrum before them. 

When the text came through from Missy, Kate watched Clara's face fall as her expression hardened. 

"Why do you need snipers?" Kate asked when Missy paused for a breath. 

"Because it's the only way she'll feel safe enough to talk to me. Shall we say four o'clock?" Missy replied. 

Kate's stomach sank as she turned to Clara. 

"Fine," Clara agreed before turning from them and seating herself on a bench in the corner. 

Kate ensured someone was getting down the flight corridor information before she turned, taking a few steps towards Clara and crouching before her. 

She took Clara's hand between both of hers instinctively, holding tighter as the tingling contact of their skin made her almost flinch away, her need to comfort Clara in some small way overruling even the facade of professionalism she rigorously maintained. 

"You don't have to do this," Kate assured her as her mind grasped for a plan B. 

Clara met her eyes. "You're a horrible liar Kate. You know just as well as I that even if she hadn't explicitly wanted me that I would be the best candidate." 

Kate tried to object but she was right. She nodded wordlessly. 

"Promise me you'll be safe," Kate replied at a whisper. 

Clara gave a morose chuckle. "You know I can't do that Kate," she pointed out as she squeezed Kate’s hand for a moment before pulling away as she stood. Kate held her eyes for a moment and saw a conflict within, as if there was something she wanted to say, but before Kate could prompt her Clara walked by with a nod, making her way out to the helicopter that would take her to the nearest airport. 

An hour later she was desperately trying to calm her racing heart as she watched Clara stroll up to Missy in the Mediterranean square. 

When Missy starting taking out the guards she couldn’t keep the quaking from her voice as she watched it happen again - those she was supposed to being protecting being killed one by one. ‘Please not Clara,’ she internally screamed, feeling instantly guilty for valuing her friend over her colleagues. 

“Nobody fire,” she commanded, knowing the snipers were the only leverage Clara had, she had to trust her to get them out of this. 

And she did. Kate watched awestruck as Clara faced Missy down and made her release the planes. 

A few moments later they were both gone.

Kate replayed the footage over and over again: Jac’s algorithm identifying the one place The Doctor was making the most noise without any crises. Clara quoting Dylan Thomas: ‘Do not go gentle into that good night.’ Missy saying ‘you go girl,’ before reaching over and putting something on her arm as they both disappeared. 

It was a vortex manipulator of course but she had never considered Missy taking Clara where she couldn’t follow. An amateur mistake. 

Kate stood from her desk and went to make another cup of coffee. She trusted Clara, knew that she was clever and intelligent and a survivor. Missy had also brought her to The Doctor and Kate knew he cared for Clara - she could wish for no better combination to ensure her survival, and yet as the hours wore on she couldn’t stop worrying for the young woman she had grown quite attached to. 

* * *  
Clara shut the door behind her as The Doctor threw the handbrake, activating the Tardis. 

There was a moment of odd silence as Clara approached the console, the adrenaline of their escape still coursing through her. The Doctor was silent but looked up as she approached. 

"You didn't die," she pointed out with a tempered smile. 

"Neither did you," he replied sombrely, the half smile contradicting the sadness in his eyes. 

"Where to next?" she asked as she rounded the console, walking behind him for a moment as she continued her circumnavigation. 

"Home for you, for now," he replied. 

Clara looked at him, her face a mask of confused sadness. 

"I nearly killed you," he commented. "And before that I nearly destroyed all Daleks for killing you," he added looking away as the Tardis landed. 

"I'll see you soon Clara," The Doctor acknowledged with a wry smile. 

Clara watched him wordlessly, not sure what to say or do that could temper her friend’s guilt as he flicked a switch and the Tardis wheezed, disintegrating around her and leaving her in a darkened hallway. 

* * *   
Kate was woken from sleep by an odd stuttering wind that sounded like it was coming from inside her house. She threw her covers off, grabbing the taser by her bed, and made her way downstairs. She flicked the light on in the hallway as she heard a sound and a familiar voice. 

“Kate?” uttered the voice she was afraid she’d never hear again as she saw Clara Oswald standing before her. 

She dropped the taser on the stair and cleared the space between them, throwing her arms around Clara’s neck, pushing away the voice that told her she was being too forward and just enjoying the realness of Clara in her arms. 

“How long have I been gone?” Clara asked bemused as she returned the hug lightly, the confusion evident on her face as Kate stepped back. 

“Just over three months,” she relayed. “Well three months, 13 days and about 9 hours,” she specified looking at her watch as she felt the colour flood to her cheeks. 

She watched Clara’s face fall as she realised the repercussions. 

“I’ll need to start looking for a new job then,” she uttered in cavalier annoyance as she made her way to Kate’s kitchen and poured herself some juice from the fridge. She offered Kate a drink which she refused, enjoying the way Clara had made herself at home as if no time had passed - although of course for her it hadn't. 

Kate gave her a thin lipped smile. “Actually, I told them you had gone undercover for us and paid for your substitute,” she revealed. 

Clara stared open-mouthed. “Why?” she asked simply before taking another sip. 

“Because I could. Because no one else could’ve gotten us out of that situation with Missy with as little loss of life,” Kate replied, trying not to think of those who had died. “What happened when Missy took you?” she asked, trying to change the subject before Clara found out the ‘I’ paying for the substitute was Kate herself and not Unit. 

"Oh the usual," Clara replied dismissively. "Medieval England with a tank, snake person, planet of the Daleks, almost killed, hung upside down and thrown down a pit by Missy (not at the same time). She did threaten cannibalism but clearly I wasn't very appetising. Snuck inside the Dalek stronghold in a Dalek shell to save The Doctor, nearly killed again, by The Doctor that time - and I'm back," Clara summarised with a casual callousness that Kate knew hid something much deeper. 

Kate watched as she glanced outside the nearest window. 

“It seems to be late - do you mind if I stay?" Clara asked seemingly offhandedly, a vacantness to her gaze.

"Of course not," Kate replied evenly, gesturing to the direction of the spare bedroom, still shocked to have her back. All the guilt she had been bottling up changed to relief only to coalesce around something she had been trying her best not to recognise, something deeper, brighter but more elusive than the guilt. Her stomach clenched as she sensed the warm edge of it, her mind skittering away as it started to take form. 

She watched Clara disappear from the room without further conversation, her face budding into a smile as warmth spread through her limbs. She shouldn't be happy. Clara was clearly upset - but she was ALIVE and that meant more to Kate right now than her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gifset of Kate hanging up on the president just because Clara Oswald entered the room - just cause: <http://peacequill.tumblr.com/post/129460679867>


	6. Chapter 6

Clara was being chased by Daleks down the hallways of the Tardis, endlessly appearing just as she thought she had finally escaped them. She kept hearing The Doctor's voice calling her name in desperation as he passed by at junctions but she would turn the corner and he would be gone. She ended up in an outdated console room, overgrown with odd grey vines, and caught the image of The Doctor huddling in the corner next to her broken corpse. 

He turned to look at her, fury in his eyes. 

"You killed Clara," he accused as he stood, pointing to the corpse which animated behind him with a scarecrow limpness and took on Missy's image, mouthing his words with a smirk. 

"You killed her and now I'm going to kill you," he repeated as he filled her vision. 

"I'm Clara, I'm Clara, Doctor it's me," she repeated but his hand was on her mouth and she couldn't breathe. 

"Clara, I'm Clara," the Missy scarecrow mocked and the world around her fuzzed as she fought for breath. 

* * *  
Kate heard a cry. She sat up in bed as it repeated, quickly running downstairs as she recognised the voice. She found Clara struggling with the sheets tangled around her, her eyes pressed closed and sweat beading on her forehead. 

Kate sat on the bed, trying to grab Clara's arms but every attempt only made her struggle more. 

"Clara, it's just a dream, wake up," she coaxed as she tried to brush a hair out of her face only to be smacked away by Clara's arm. 

"Clara," she commanded, her voice firm as she grabbed Clara by both arms and lifted her to sitting, Clara squirmed and Kate held her against her own body pinning her arms behind her back as she tried to wake her.

She moved her mouth to Clara’s ear. ”Clara, it's Kate. You're safe," she relayed to the struggling woman in her arms. 

Clara's body went slack. 

"Kate?" Came a voice by her own ear. 

She released Clara's arms and they immediately went around her neck, grasping her tightly. 

Kate relaxed into the embrace, tightening her own arms to hold Clara, breathing in the musky smell of her. 

"You ready to tell me what really happened now?" Kate whispered by Clara's ear. 

"Not yet," Clara replied without moving. 

"Ok," Kate replied, loosening her hold to allow Clara to separate as she tried to remember this feeling, trying to mentally bottle the infusing sense of contentment. 

She had spent a lot of time thinking about Clara in the months she had been away but she had forgotten just how much her presence made her _feel_ in a way that was both very comfortable and decidedly confusing. 

Clara shifted her head. 

"Kate," she uttered softly and Kate couldn't help the way her name on Clara's lips made her mouth go dry. 

"Stay with me," Clara continued and Kate closed her eyes as her heart ached at the tone of her voice. 

She heard herself respond 'yes' even as her mind told her to stop and think. She didn't want to think - didn't want to look at the pieces slowly falling into place. The picture that was forming would complicate everything and she wanted things to be simple. Like here. Now. 

* * *   
Clara held on to Kate tightly, enjoying the comfort of her warmth and allowing herself to breath in the scent of her. She hated how pathetic she sounded, nearly begging Kate to stay but she didn't want to be alone with her own thoughts. 

She tucked herself back under the blankets as Kate lay on top of the covers beside her, stretching out carefully on her side, one hand under her head, the other in front of her.

Clara turned her head to face her, meeting Kate's eyes so full of concern and affection, and her fear dissipated to be replaced by a longing she thought she had been managing. She shifted onto her back, facing the ceiling, unable to cope with Kate's eyes begging her to let her in when what she needed to do was keep her distance. 

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Kate prompted and Clara felt the older woman's fingers brush against her hand. She pulled her hand away reactively, the touch spreading shocks of need through her that she knew she had to fight. 

"Clara?" Kate uttered confused, her voice uneasy as she propped herself up on her elbow. 

"I'm sorry Kate," Clara began, looking briefly in her direction but avoiding her eyes. "Maybe you should go," she suggested with an emphasis that left it clear she wanted her to leave. 

"Of course," Kate acknowledged coolly as she quickly stood.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" she asked, hovering by the bed and Clara could feel the anxiety coming off her. 

She swallowed forcibly, hating what her actions were doing to her friend but too scared to face the alternative. 

”I’ll be fine. I just need to be by myself for a bit," she lied. 

Out of the corner of her eye she watched Kate begrudgingly nod before taking a few steps to the door. 

"If you need anything I'm upstairs," she offered before exiting the room. 

Clara looked over to ensure Kate was gone before scrunching her fists in front of her face and screaming in soundless frustration. 

* * *   
Kate went up to her bed slowly, trying to decide if she had made the right decision. Clara's behaviour seemed erratic but she was entitled to have her own space, especially as something traumatic had clearly happened to her. And yet Kate had some niggling feeling that leaving Clara alone was the last thing she should do.

She shook the thought from her mind and begrudgingly continued up the stairs to her own bed, the evening's events replaying in her mind until sleep at last claimed her. 

When she awoke the smell of coffee was wafting through the air. The events of the previous night flooded back and she threw on her robe and went down the stairs at a rapid pace, hoping the coffee was a good sign. Yet when she got downstairs the house was empty. Clara had tidied the room she slept in, and on the kitchen island was a piece of paper with her name and a cup of coffee. 

She picked up the note hastily. 

_Kate,  
Thank you for your kindness and friendship. It helped me get through so much and I will never forget everything you have done for me. I'm sorry to leave like this but I need some space to remember who I am, something I've been putting off since Danny, and I don't know how long that might take. I know you deserve better than this but I'm not strong enough._

_Please take care of yourself._

_Clara_

Kate read the note over again, the initial numbness replaced by a deep red heat of anger and sadness trying to force itself from her gut. She tamped it down even as she recognised the intensity of it - the recognition surprising her even as she realised the truth of it. She forced her mind to focus on the reason, watching the puzzle pieces slot into place to form the picture she had been so afraid to face. 

She sat down on one of the stools and pulled the coffee towards her, wrapping her hands around the still warm cup as she considered her options. 

* * *   
Clara’s week progressed with agonising slowness. After she left Kate’s she called Coal Hill to let them know she was back and could start whenever was convenient. They called her back later to let her know she could start the following day, a Friday. She spent the rest of the Thursday going through months of post (mostly junk), paying any very outstanding bills (thankfully most were being directly debited from her bank), and cleaning her flat. Friday arose like the promise of a new life and she tried to convince herself that work would make her feel better. And yet, although her students were oddly happy to see her again, it didn’t fill the void she had expected it to and she went home at the end of the day feeling even more dejected. 

On Saturday she had arranged a get together with her life-friends (as opposed to her Doctor-friends) but once she got past deflecting questions around her absence the discussion remained insubstantial - who was dating who, what was happening on this reality show, which new restaurant had attractive staff - and Clara went home afterwards feeling deflated. She paced around her house absently for a few hours before forcing herself to get out and do something, going to her wardrobe to find a tight black skirt and low cut top before making her way into Soho.

It had been a couple of years since she had been to this area of London at night but the club scene was as she remembered it, loud and anonymous with enough heavy beats and booze to allow herself to drown into the crowd. She stuck to the gay clubs, wanting the full hedonistic experience without fending off handsy men. She found someone the third bar in, slightly younger, blond hair, cute smile, drunk but not beyond the point of being able to make a decision. 

Her flat was closer and they grabbed a night bus a few stops, giggling in the back seat as they tried to see how far they could with the other person in public before being slapped away. 

When they arrived at the other woman’s flat they took no time in divesting each other of all pieces of clothing. Clara closed her eyes as the feel of the other woman’s hands on her forced away every other thought, but when she came she thought only of Kate. 

She wasn’t sure how she got the other woman off but she did, slipping out of her flat when she went to the bathroom feeling dirty and angry at herself. 

* * *   
Kate hadn’t heard from Clara in over a week. She knew she had gone back to work because Coal Hill stopped debiting money for the substitute but Clara herself had not been in touch. Kate should’ve expected as much - Clara’s letter had a very clear ring of finality to it and even if she wanted to be in touch she was stubborn enough to be drawing it out. 

She kept coming up with pseudo-legitimate reasons to use Unit resources to check on her but she knew beyond being a court-martial-able offence that Clara was allowed her privacy. Kate had to accept there were some things she couldn’t know and hoped that at some point Clara would make contact. 

She tried, instead, to focus on something she could change and called her friend Ann to take her up on her offer to talk. Ann encouraged her visit and the next day they were sitting in Ann’s living room drinking tea. 

“So?” Ann prompted, looking up from her tea and meeting Kate's eyes. 

Kate looked down, chafing her hands against her mug for a moment as she cleared her throat. She had rehearsed this but somehow the words still stuck in her throat. 

"I haven't been entirely truthful with you," she admitted. "Or myself," she added looking up hesitantly but seeing only curiosity and compassion in her friend's eyes. 

"There _is_ someone I've been spending a lot of time with, most Saturdays in fact,” she explained, catching Ann's inquisitive eyes before looking beyond her, swallowing and looking down before continuing. 

“And I think,” she began, forcing herself to look at her friend before her eyes raised to the ceiling as she fought to find the words. “I think I really like her,” she admitted before returning her gaze to her friend and seeing only understanding.

"God that sounds ridiculous," she acknowledged as the words hit her ears, looking away as she hesitated. “All I want is for her to come back so things can be normal between us again,” she muttered looking at the mug between her hands. 

Ann chuckled. 

“I doubt things have ever been normal between you two,” she replied. “Have you considered that she feels the same and that is why she left?” she asked, eyebrows raised. 

"It's more likely that she figured it out before I did and _that_ is why she left," Kate replied ruefully, remembering Clara pulling away her hand as Kate reached out for her.

“It could also be a hundred other things,” Ann pointed out. “You won't know until you talk to her.” 

Kate sighed, put the mug on the table in front of them, and slumped back on the couch. 

Ann watched her friend for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed, mouth pursed. “I’m not actually sure I’ve ever seen you this conflicted about anything,” Ann commented. 

Kate covered her face with her hands. "What the hell is wrong with me? And she's younger than Ellis," she exclaimed, dropping her hands from her face. 

Ann took Kate's hands in her own and shifted to face her, meeting her eyes. 

"Stop finding fault with your feelings. Accept them and even if she doesn't feel the same maybe she'll accept them too. You can find a new normal," Ann suggested, mouth curving into a half smile. 

“You make it sound so easy,” Kate exhaled as she sat up again. 

“Oh it's not, but if you want to be happy with or without her it’s what you need to do,” Ann replied sombrely, squeezing Kate’s hands before releasing them. 

Kate narrowed her eyes at her friend. “When did you become so smart?” she replied with mock incredulity. 

Ann laughed and leaned back. “Take your pick, PhD in psychology, marriage, divorce, finding Tonia and having go through something similar…” she trailed off, raising an eyebrow. 

“I know, I know,” Kate waved away as she sat up again. “Thank you,” she added earnestly.

“I just wish you had come to me earlier,” Ann replied sympathetically. 

“If I hadn’t been in such denial maybe I would have,” Kate remarked, smiling at her friend as she picked up her mug again and took a sip of her tea. 

“Oh we’ve all been there,” Ann responded with a laugh, meeting Kate's eyes as she returned the smile.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been two weeks since Clara had come back from Skaro and although outwardly things were as normal as they could be without The Doctor - work, marking, home, mindless chatter with her long-time friends - there was still a seeping absence within her. It wasn’t Danny, although his death would always hurt she had mourned him months ago and moved on. She knew who she missed, just like she knew she had to get over her feelings before she could ever see her again.

Clara took the stairs to her flat singly, toting her work and dinner. The week had seemed exceptionally long so far but she knew it was just the boredom, the boredom was getting to her and although she had friends, every conversation seemed isolating because there was so much more to life than anyone else really knew.

She was four steps away from her floor when she saw sensible black flats that seemed too expensive for this part of town. She looked up, taking in the black trousers and long black coat, opened just enough to see the white button down shirt within. She knew who this was before she glanced at her face, although the lopsided smile showed a lack of confidence that didn’t match Clara’s memory of Kate. 

“What are you doing here?” Clara asked, more out of shock than anything else, and her words came out more angry than she had intended. 

She watched Kate’s face darken as she cleared her throat. 

“Can I come in for a few moments?” she asked, continuing before Clara could say anything, “I have something I need to say and if you still don’t ever want to see me again I will respect your decision,” she affirmed. 

Clara nodded, too exhausted to argue as she took the stairs next to Kate and made her way to her flat, Kate following behind. 

“Something to drink?” Clara offered when the door closed behind them and they took off their coats. 

The shield she had been holding between them, so easy in public, had begun to fall away in chips and she cursed herself for being so defenceless.

“Water?” Kate replied and Clara nodded.

She left Kate in the hallway and entered the kitchen, dropping her bags on the counter before filling up a glass for Kate and pouring herself some wine. 

She handed Kate her glass before following her into the living room, sitting down in the chair diagonal to where Kate had just seated herself on the couch. She watched as Kate turned the glass in her hands before putting it down on the table without drinking any. 

“So what did you want to say?” Clara prompted as evenly as she was able. 

Kate took a deep breath. “I had a lot of time to think while you were away on Skaro, although none of it really made sense until I saw you again,” Kate began, her eyes flittering around the room before settling on Clara for the briefest moment and then looking away again. 

Clara’s heart sped up and she chastised herself, narrowing her eyes as she tried to focus on what Kate was actually saying and not what part of her yearned to hear. 

“I miss you,” Kate admitted, catching Clara’s eyes. Clara tried to turn away but the honest need in them held her as the effect of it radiated electrical sparks within. 

“And I know now that you mean more to me than I really knew,” Kate admitted, her eyes shifting from Clara’s face to her own lap. 

Clara tried to keep her expression neutral as Kate’s words warmed the cold absence within her. 

“I don't really know how to do this. Please say something,” Kate begged looking up again, her composure utterly shattered. 

“I miss you too,” Clara relented softly and the admission broke the last of the ice she had been hiding behind as she allowed herself to give in to a possibility she had never considered. 

Kate nodded in response. "Well that is something at least," she uttered almost under her breath before looking up again. 

Clara took in her flustered expression, which was adorably uncharacteristic, and her face broke in to a tight-lipped smile as her heart beat faster. 

"Do you know what I am trying to say or not?" Kate huffed out exasperatedly. 

Clara's smile grew and she stood, making her way around the table to sit beside Kate. 

"I think," she began, taking Kate's hand in hers as the touch resonated between them, sparks of electricity running up her arm. “I think…,” she repeated looking up at her as she cleared her throat. “…that you are trying to ask me out Kate Lethbridge Stewart,” she finally articulated, a nervous warmth expanding within her as she met Kate’s eyes, watching the smile spread across her face as she looked away. 

"If I knew how maddeningly coy you were going to be about it I might've thought otherwise," Kate replied softly, the smile plastered on her face as she met Clara's eyes unabashedly. 

"I can't help it that you're adorable when you're flustered," Clara replied as she watched Kate’s expression change, her gaze falling to Clara’s lips as her mouth parted. 

Clara felt her heart race as she shifted herself minutely closer, the fear and the want wrestling in her gut. 

“Kate?” she asked softly, needing something to break this silence, some way to control this moment. 

“Hummm?” Kate replied, meeting her eyes again before dropping her gaze to Clara’s lips. 

"You found a girl to kiss yet?” she teased, her desire overcoming her fear as she leaned closer, her eyes falling to Kate’s lips as she allowed herself the want she had been holding at bay for so long. 

“There might be one…,” Kate replied with a grin as she brought her hand up to Clara's cheek. 

* * *   
Kate's fingers brushed through Clara's hair as she felt the warm skin of the other woman’s cheek against her palm, lips hovering closer until she felt them against her own, the touch of them setting her body alight. Clara's hands rested on her neck and slid against her shirt, pulling closer as they shifted towards each other on the couch. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as she revelled in the taste, her body sparking in an electric want that made her feel both floatingly ephemeral and painfully solid. She wrapped her free hand around Clara’s neck, pulling their mouths closer and her lips parted to Clara’s tongue, the feeling melting her from the inside as a driving need began to suffuse every cell of her body.

She felt Clara pull back and immediately met her eyes. 

"Wow," she breathed holding Clara’s eyes as she felt a blush creep across her face.

"Yea," Clara added monosyllabically, holding Kate’s gaze as she shifted on the couch. 

She slid a leg across Kate’s lap and straddled her, pulling their bodies together as Kate’s hands settled on her hips, feeling the weight of them against her as their lips were drawn together in a sort of inevitable gravity. The second kiss quickly became more heated as hands wandered across backs and shoulders, craving the contact of skin that was frustrated by layers of clothes. 

The kiss broke again, Kate a little breathless as she met Clara’s eyes, the want in them making her body flood. She could feel it between her thighs and Clara's weight was suddenly a very uncomfortable (but not unwanted) pressure. She bit her lip and Clara smiled, returning to nuzzle in Kate's neck before ghosting kisses to her ear. 

"Do you know how completely attractive you are unraveled like this?" She teased and Kate's eyes fell closed as she felt the reverberations of Clara's chuckle against her own throat. 

Kate turned her head to meet Clara’s eyes, lifting her hand to brush the hair that refused to stay out of her face as she took in how earth-shatteringly beautiful she looked, swollen lips, messy hair and all. 

“Do you know how attractive you are always?” Kate replied sincerely as she brushed her thumb against Clara’s lips. 

“What I didn’t know was how corny you were,” Clara dismissed with a smile before pursing her lips around Kate’s thumb and pulling it into her mouth, her tongue flat against the underside. 

Kate shifted, trying to alleviate the aching want between her thighs that Clara’s mouth on her thumb was only intensifying. Clara caught the movement and moved back a bit on her lap, taking Kate’s thumb from her mouth and interlinking their fingers before taking a deep breath. 

Kate felt the confusion spread across her face but Clara leaned forward, holding her cheek and kissing her comparatively chastely. 

“What’s wrong?” Kate asked when Clara released her lips. 

Clara sighed, sliding off Kate’s lap and sitting beside her, still holding her hand as her eyes shifted away embarrassedly. 

“Ummm… Perhaps we should hold off,” she stuttered out, pulling away her hand as she avoided Kate’s eyes. 

“Of course…” Kate replied, flummoxed at this sudden change as she fought to meet Clara’s eyes. 

“It isn’t that I don’t want to. I very much want you,” Clara emphasised, meeting her eyes for a moment and Kate could see the honest desire held within. “But I…,” Clara continued, fidgeting nervously as she fell silent again. 

“What is it?” Kate prompted softly. 

Clara sighed, absently scratching the side of her leg before facing Kate. 

“I picked someone up at a bar a week or so ago,” Clara admitted, before looking up. “Might be best if I get checked out before….” she trailed off flushing a deep red. 

“Of course,” Kate replied as she swallowed, tamping down the flames in her body and focusing on how lucky she was just to be here, to have this. Her eyes fell to Clara’s lips and she leaned forward meeting her eyes. 

“There can still be kissing though right?,” Kate suggested with a mischievous smile as her eyes flickered between Clara’s eyes and her lips.

“You like kissing girls now then?” Clara teased arching her eyebrows as she leaned forward. 

“Well I certainly need more practice,” Kate replied with a smile as she leaned in, their lips meeting again.

* * * 

Clara met Kate after work on Friday at an upscale sexual health clinic in North London. She had insisted they both get checked as she hadn’t exactly been abstinent since her divorce and although it hadn’t been Clara’s first time in a clinic like this, it was a bit nerve wracking to be going with Kate so early into what was still a highly uncertain relationship. And yet when they left it felt like an accomplishment and they exchanged a grin as they walked down the pavement. 

Clara got her result by text the next day while she was home marking. She texted Kate with the good news, knowing she was on her way to her son's house, and got a reply half an hour later with Kate's own clean bill of health. Suddenly the fact that Kate was going to be over her son's all day and they wouldn't be able to see each other until Sunday evening seemed interminable. Yet it also gave an expectant weight to that meeting that left her nervous and unsettled. 

* * * 

Kate spent the drive to Kent trying to decide what to tell her sons. It was really too new to say anything, she hadn’t even mentioned most of the men she had dated after their father, but the happiness was evident on her face and she worried that an omission would be tantamount to lying. They were, after all, adults in their own right. 

She replied to Clara’s text as she walked to the door, pocketing her phone as she let herself in to be greeted by numerous children tottering about the place under the watchful eye of a couple of neighbours she had met before. It was her grandson’s birthday and she greeted the neighbours briefly before seeking out her grandson and pulling him into a hug. 

“Happy Birthday James!” she said to the young boy who beamed before leaning into her cheek for a wet head-butt that passed for a kiss on the cheek. That ritual done he indicated that he wanted to get back down and she kissed him on the forehead before obliging. She took the present out of her bag and put it on the table where a stack had already started to grow, before hunting down her sons. 

Gordon hadn’t arrived yet but she found Ellis and his wife in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the various food platters. 

“Hi Mum,” Ellis greeted distractedly, coming over to kiss her cheek before returning to his work. 

“Good to see you again Kate,” his wife Indira piped up behind, throwing her an apologetic smile as she gestured to her icing covered hands. 

“Anything I can do to help?” Kate asked. 

“Start putting these platters around if you don’t mind?” Ellis replied, indicating the bowls and plates of nibbles he had been compiling. 

Kate nodded, leaving her purse in the kitchen and beginning to distribute the snacks about the house. 

The party was well-attended but as the day wore on the guests diminished until it was just Kate, Ellis, Indira, James and Gordon. After the house had been reasonably tidied they all lounged in the living room, eating the leftovers from lunch. Kate was quiet, the argument ongoing in her head, as she watched Gordon play with his nephew. Indira, who had being speaking to Ellis a moment before, turned to Kate with a broad smile. 

“So whats new with you? You seem quieter than at Christmas,” she commented.

She remembered the number of times Clara came up unintentionally in conversation at Christmas with a blush of understanding, taking another sip of her wine nervously. 

Ellis was looking at her now. “Well that is certainly new,” he pointed out and she felt herself go even more red before she was able to compose herself. 

Gordon picked up James and put him on his lap as he joined his brother on the couch. 

“Shh Jay-man, Grandma has something to say,” he chastised jovially and James squealed as Gordon tickled him quickly before putting his finger over his lips. James followed suit and Gordon turned him on his lap to face the others, his big brown eyes paying rapt attention as he kept his finger at his mouth for a moment before deciding to suck on it. 

"I....um.... have been seeing someone. Sort of. We've been friends for some time now and recently realised we were more," she trailed off hopelessly, looking up at the almost identical deer-in-headlights expressions from the adults present. 

Indira broke the silence first. “Congratulations - have we met him?" She asked, clearly trying to hide her lingering shock. 

Kate looked at Gordon meaningfully before facing Indira again. "Gordon has met _her_ ," she replied nervously, her eyes falling to her eldest son as he tried to figure out who he had met that the other two hadn't. 

"Clara," he uttered her name like a death knell. 

Kate nodded, trying to keep the emotion from her face at her son’s clear distaste. 

He took James from his lap and handed him to Ellis before meeting Kate’s eyes. 

“How old is she exactly?” he asked, his voice full of recrimination. 

Kate cleared her throat. Even expecting it, the question was hard to hear. 

“She’s two months younger than Ellis,” she conceded, trying to maintain as much self-composure as possible, her eyes flicking to the open-mouthed stares from the other two adults present before meeting Gordon’s eyes again. 

"Civilian consultant for getting in your pants," he muttered angrily, turning to Indira and Ellis's shocked faces before standing and exiting the room. 

Ellis handed James to Indira before standing and turning to go after him. 

“Let him go,” Kate uttered, her voice cracking as she felt the knot of her eldest son’s anger. 

“I don’t think that is wise,” Ellis with a hint of anger as he turned back, glancing at Indira before continuing to exit the room. 

Kate buried her face in her hands for a moment before sitting up straight again. 

“Nanma,” James offered and Kate smiled through the threatening tears. 

“At least all the Stewart boys don’t hate me,” she offered, cautiously looking up at Indira. 

“They don’t hate you,” Indira pointed out, offering James to her as his outstretched hands reached for her. 

Kate took James and felt the smile on her face, remembering when her boys had been this young. 

“It’s just going to take a while for Gordon to come around,” Indira continued. “It’s a bit of a shock to us all,” she admitted. 

Kate looked up at her daughter-in-law. She had always admired the sensibly grounded woman who had fallen for her youngest - although Ellis had always been a bit more easy to handle. He had been the only one to escape the military and be his own man.

“And Ellis?” Kate asked. 

“It’s a bit of a shock but he’ll be fine. He has the advantage of understanding what it feels like to care about someone,” she replied with a smile. 

Kate returned the smile before looking down at James again. 

Ellis returned shortly without Gordon and, although clearly not thrilled, was hesitantly accepting of Kate’s news. She stayed a bit longer to help tidy before bidding them all farewell. 

It was late when she finally made it to the motorway but she had promised Clara she’d let her know how it went. She had the car ring the familiar contact and the phone was answered after two rings.

“Hey, how did it go?” Clara asked immediately. 

Kate sighed. “Not great,” she replied before launching into Gordon’s response, hearing Clara giggle at ‘Consultant for getting into your pants,’ before apologising. She smiled in spite of herself, Clara’s voice being able to sooth away some of the upset of the evening. 

“I miss you,” she stated when they had finished discussing the party. It felt like a confession but one that made her feel oddly safe. 

"Miss you too," Clara replied and Kate could picture her sitting on her bed, holding her phone to her ear and biting her bottom lip. "You could come over if you wanted," Clara offered and the warmth in Kate's chest shot lower as her heart sped up. 

"It's late," Kate pointed out, not wanting to infringe. 

"I want to see you. We don't have to do anything," Clara added somewhat awkwardly. "But you could sleep here. It would be closer," Clara pointed out and Kate thought about it. The way the roads were designed it would be faster to get to Clara's than home. And she really didn't want to wait until tomorrow after bridge to see her again. 

"Ok," she relented, turning on her GPS and programming it for Clara's.


	8. Chapter 8

While waiting for Kate to arrive Clara tidied her flat as much as possible before trying to return to the last of her marking. She sat staring at the same essay paragraph before accepting that the nerves in her chest made her completely unable to focus. 

She was still staring blankly at the same page when she heard Kate knock softly a few moments later. She rushed over to open the door and Kate came in, removing her coat and shoes before taking Clara's hand and pulling her into a chaste kiss. Their eyes met as they parted only to fall to the other's lips again but this time the kiss was slow and measured as they savoured the taste, new and sweet. 

Clara slid her hand out of Kate's and brought it to her face, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss as Kate's hands shifted to her hips, two cold fingers against the skin of her side where her top had ridden up. Kate turned their bodies, pinning Clara against the wall as she released her lips and started trailing kisses down her neck before moving to her ear. 

"I have been waiting to do that all day," she whispered into Clara's ear, low and growly and Clara bit her lip as she felt an electric shock run through her at Kate’s voice. 

She moved her hands to Kate's head again, pulling her back and separating them a bit, meeting Kate's eyes. 

"I though you were tired," she teased. “We were going to _sleep_ ," she added raising her eyebrow as her lips curved into a smile.

"I guess not," she smirked, her lips falling to Clara's shoulder as she moved aside the strap of her pyjamas. 

Clara felt Kate's kisses like electric caresses, pulsing deep inside her as her body filled with warmth and need. She broke them apart again as a thought occurred to her, the sudden cold of Kate's absence leaving her body floundering.

"Are you sure you're okay? You’re not trying to prove something?” Clara asked meeting Kate’s eyes and seeing her want fade to sincerity before she dropped her gaze to the floor, taking Clara’s hands in her own. 

“I’m nervous,” she acknowledged, eyes flickering to Clara’s before skittering to the floor again. “I’m almost twice your age and I’ve never done this before and so, yes, I want to prove something - to you,” she admitted raising her eyes again and holding Clara’s. 

Clara slid one of her hands from Kate’s and stroked her cheek, bringing their mouths closer as her eyes flickering between it and Kate’s eyes, her mouth watering at the thought of tasting her again. 

“You don’t have to be nervous or prove anything to me,” Clara whispered, their lips meeting after she spoke, flooding her with renewed want as Kate’s tongue slid past her lips.

Her hands moved to Kate’s back and she felt some of the tension leave it as their bodies pressed together, Kate’s hands sliding across the skin of her back as she untucked Kate’s shirt, grasping for skin. 

Kate’s mouth was on her throat as her head canted back, eyes falling closed as lips continued to her collarbone, a hand leaving her back to pull aside the strap of her top again as lips traced lower. 

Clara shifted them, pulling Kate’s mouth back to hers and turning them as they awkwardly made their way a few steps down the hall to her bedroom. The back of her legs hit the side of her bed and she turned them, pushing Kate to a seated position on the bed and straddling her lap as lips returned to the skin below her collarbone. Her hands went to the buttons of Kate’s high-necked shirt, slowly exposing the skin and she felt Kate’s sharp inhale as Clara’s fingers grazed her ribs. Kate batted them away as Clara leaned into her and they lay back on the bed, Clara’s fingers returning to the blouse before being batted away again. She felt Kate roll them, knees on either side of Clara's hips as she bound Clara’s hands above her head with a nearby robe tie. 

She raised an eyebrow at Kate. 

"What? They were distracting me," she justified with a smirk as her fingers found the skin exposed by her raised arms.

Clara felt her trail a finger lower before lazily edging the band of her trousers as she tried hard not to react, the heat between her thighs already begging for attention and her inability to impact matters only intensifying Kate’s touch. Kate's fingers traveled up her body, hands splaying under her shirt as she pulled it up and over her head, leaving it tangled with the robe tie. Kate’s mouth returned to hers, hand holding her head as she was pulled into a crushing kiss. It was like all the little moments of patience when their lips had been separated had built up inside her and she could feel the rawness of her want as their tongues duelled, Clara wanting nothing more than to consume and be consumed in equal measure as her thighs rubbed against each other uselessly. 

She could feel Kate’s body pressed against her, hand and knee supporting some of her weight as Kate shifted again, taking in Clara’s half naked form with something akin to awe as she peppered light kisses along her neck and chest, edging a nipple with her tongue before pulling it into her mouth, sucking harder as Clara groaned. She released Clara’s nipple and Clara eased her breathing, trying not to allow the impulses to overwhelm her, not yet, but the hands above her head itched to peel off Kate’s unbuttoned shirt and cover the expanse of her skin with her own mouth. 

Kate’s mouth went lower and Clara couldn’t stop her hips from bucking as Kate’s tongue followed her finger’s earlier path above her waistband. She looked up, meeting Clara’s eyes and Clara saw her own desperation reflected in Kate’s eyes. She felt Kate’s fingers slide under the waist band of her pyjama bottoms and undies as she took another glance at Clara before easing them both off and discarding them on the floor. 

Clara watched Kate hesitate before lying beside her, pressing their bodies together as she met Clara’s eyes. Kate watched her for a moment, cupping her cheek with a sort of reverence and Clara felt herself drowning in Kate’s eyes, the want in them making her heart race faster. Kate brushed aside a hair before kissing her gently, her hand caressing a path down Clara’s front before carefully sliding between her thighs. 

The contact of Kate’s fingers caused Clara to whimper in her mouth, Kate pulling away both lips and fingers as she looked at Clara concerned. 

“Oh-please-put-those-fingers-back-now,” Clara commanded and Kate let out a huffed laugh as she smiled, obligingly returning her fingers and coating them with Clara’s wetness before easing them inside her, first one then two, as she started to build a pace. 

Kate’s mouth returned to Clara’s body, her lips claiming her other nipple as she sucked before lightly grazing it with her teeth, Clara’s body bucking harder onto her fingers as her body wrestled with the intensity flooding her. 

“Curve,” Clara breathed out, knowing she was close and after a moment she felt Kate’s fingers curl inside her, hitting the exact spot on her inner wall as she was reduced to panting breath. She felt Kate’s thumb brush her clit and it almost hurt. 

“Lighter,” she instructed. “Circles,” she added, eyes clenched shut as she enjoyed the feel of Kate’s fingers as they continued to thrust inside her, trying desperately to ride the wave of this perfection for as long as possible. 

Kate shifted and the thrusts grew deeper, the vibration of a moan passing Clara’s lips as she felt the flicker of Kate’s tongue over her clit. 

“God Kate,” she uttered, struggling against her bonds and Kate’s tongue edged her clit before licking it harder, taking it in her mouth as Clara felt her body collapse into the feeling of whiteness, bliss and utter contentment. 

* * *   
Kate watched Clara go boneless, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand before slowly removing her other fingers and wiping them with a nearby tissue. She stretched out beside her again, supporting her head on her clean hand as she watched Clara’s eyes flutter open. 

“So that was okay then?” Kate asked, the cockiness in her voice eliding the true question in her words. 

“Yumph,” Clara muttered, her eyes falling closed again for a moment before she opened them fully. “You sure you’ve never done that before?” she teased with a smile. 

“Other than a fair bit of practice on myself, yes, I’m sure,” Kate replied, helpless to stop the smile spreading across her face as she met Clara’s eyes. 

“Can you untie me now?” Clara asked, the pointed desire in her eyes making Kate’s stomach clench in anticipation. 

Kate nodded and shifted to her knees, her fingers shaky as she untied the binds. She watched Clara flex her fingers and move herself up on her pillows, watching Kate ravenously. 

“Now take off your shirt,” she instructed and while Kate’s self-consciousness balked at the command she also found Clara commanding her while naked terribly sexy. 

She narrowed her eyes for a moment in almost-rebellion before obliging, slowly peeling off her already unbuttoned shirt to reveal the white silky-but-functional bra that had already been half exposed. 

“Now your trousers,” Clara instructed with a raised brow as Kate slowly undid one button and then the next before unzipping her trousers and shifting to slide them over her feet, discarding them in a pile on the floor. 

She stared at Clara, her body burning with the need of her touch as she tried to look proudly indignant. 

“Now close your eyes and turn around,” Clara ordered and as Kate compiled she felt the bed shift, Clara’s breasts against her mostly naked back as the flat edge of the robe tie was placed across her eyes and tied behind her head. 

“Revenge is sweet,” Clara uttered, her breath edging Kate’s ear and Kate felt her mouth go dry, the anticipation in her body notched up even as Clara’s body disappeared from behind her. 

She felt the lightest touch of Clara’s fingers tracing across her shoulder blades before unlatching her bra and Kate shrugged out of it as fingers continued to her lower back, tracing abstract patterns as feather-light touches became more firm and Kate felt her slide closer, the heat from her body radiating to her back. Clara’s hands moved around to her front as she felt a mouth on her neck, her own hands reaching out. Her left hand found Clara’s pressed against her chest as the fingers of her right laced through Clara’s hair, the brunette’s mouth lavishing attention on her pulse point before making her way up to her earlobe, teeth grazing the edge as hands wrapped around Kate possessively, fingers digging into flesh. 

“Clara,” she uttered in a half moan, loving the feel of that name on her lips even as the vocalising of it gave her a thrill. 

Clara's hands eased down her ribs and over her hips to her thighs, remaining far enough from the apex to cause significant frustration, before shifting from behind her and straddling her once again. Kate felt the teasing touch of Clara's lips edging her own as she reached up for her head, tangling her fingers in Clara's hair as their mouths met and melded in a need that was almost tangible. They fell back on the bed, Kate's blindfold letting in a little more light but still obscuring her vision as Clara's weight pressing on her made her body thrum with a desire she was having a hard time controlling. 

The sudden pressure of Clara's knee between her thighs made her grab at the bedcover, balling it in her hands as the pressure subsided, Clara's knee shifting down slightly. Yet Kate found the sudden absence worse than the contact and tried to push herself lower to regain the contact, needing some relief from the relentless need coursing through her. 

She heard Clara's giggle by her ear as a hand traced a path across her stomach and lower, the soft pressure of fingers against the wet fabric of her pants addressing her need only by heightening it. 

"I take it you've had enough teasing then," Clara whispered directly into Kate's ear but Kate could only bite her lip in response as Clara moved down the bed and eased off her pants, kissing down her right thigh as she went. 

Kate felt the bed shift beneath her as Clara’s body returned, her fingers trailing up her left leg before cupping the heat between her thighs and Kate couldn’t stop the breathy moan her touch elicited as she slid two fingers easily inside her. She pushed herself against the fingers, wanting the fulfilment they promised as Clara tried to slow her pace. She felt Clara's free hand on her hip as she removed her fingers, the sudden absence almost painful before they were back with a third, the pace increasing as Kate could hear the soft but nonsensical mumblings from her own mouth. The want-turned-need became a tingling suffusing her whole being as Clara ran her thumb across her clit in painstaking synchronisation with her thrusts, Kate's body cascading into light as her mutterings became fever-pitched. 

When she came to her senses again she was panting. The blindfold had fallen off and Clara was staring at her intently, her head in her hand and a smile playing across her lips. 

"You okay?" she asked with a laugh. 

"You could say that," Kate replied as her breathing eased, her eyes falling closed again

Clara moved up on the bed, laying her hands on Kate's chest and resting her chin on them, looking at Kate intently. 

“So bondage eh?” Clara remarked with a raised brow. 

Kate laughed. “I hadn’t thought of it like that but I suppose. Was it okay?” she asked as her expression became more serious, shifting her body higher on the bed so she see Clara better. 

“It definitely… heightened the experience,” Clara observed. 

“As did not being able to see what you were doing next,” Kate pointed out. “So we’re okay?”

“Oh I feel more than okay,” Clara replied grinning. “You?”

“I feel amazing,” Kate replied as she reached down for Clara, stroking her cheek as Clara moved beside her, their lips meeting in calm reassurance. 

* * *   
Clara awoke later than usual, squinting against the sun coming through the edges of her blinds as she turned, stretching out her arms. She felt better than she had in a very long time. As that thought occurred, the following night came flooding back and her lips formed a smile as she opened her eyes. The bed beside her had clearly been slept in but Kate was not there. 

Clara got up, pulling on her robe before hunting down the the tie they had used the previous night, wrapping it around her and exiting. She could smell the coffee as soon as she stepped into the hallway and poured herself a mug before finding Kate in her livingroom, seated on her couch and reading the newspaper she must’ve left the house to purchase. 

“Hey sleepyhead,” she teased as she folded the paper and took off her glasses to look up at Clara, placing them on top of the paper on the table before her. 

“How long have you been up?” Clara asked, the sleep still evident in her voice as she cleared her throat and took a sip of coffee, holding it in her mouth for a moment as she willed it to get rid of her morning breath before swallowing. 

Kate looked at her watch. “Just a couple of hours,” she offered as Clara walked over and sat beside her. 

“When do you have to leave for bridge?” Clara asked, chafing the coffee mug in her hands and wondering at the odd borderline between awkward and comfortable they were currently navigating. 

“Half an hour or so. I need to stop at mine to shower and change,” Kate explained. 

Clara nodded, taking other sip of coffee. “I’m glad you came over last night,” she voiced with a smile when she had swallowed her coffee. 

“Me too,” Kate replied as she leaned over to kiss Clara lightly on the lips. Clara breathed in the smell of Kate even as she tasted the same coffee on her lips. 

Kate’s stomach rumbled as their lips parted and Clara raised an amused eyebrow. 

“Breakfast?” she offered. Kate nodded as Clara stood up, following her into the kitchen. 

*

After Kate left for Ann’s house Clara showered and changed before making her way to Westfield Mall, Stratford. She made a beeline for the main security desk, giving the man behind the desk her brightest and most trustworthy smile. 

“Is Gordon Stewart on today…” she began, taking in the guard’s badge before adding, “Leon?” “I’m in the area and wanted to surprise him,” she expanded, smiling at how completely truthful that was. 

Leon returned her smile, glancing at the desk for a moment. “Yea, he’s at the North exit. I’ll radio to let him know you’re here,” he offered. 

“That won’t be necessary,” she replied, raising her hand as he pulled out his walkie. “That would ruin the surprise.”

Leon nodded with a seemingly knowing smile and she thanked him for his help, turning and heading towards the North exit. 

* * *   
Gordon was taking in everything around him without really paying attention to anything. He would occasionally focus on something that could be amiss but otherwise this was how he spent his shifts, standing at a lazy attention, trying to look imposing as life passed him by. 

There was a fuzz on the radio before he recognised Leon’s voice. 

“Got a hot one coming your way,” his colleague announced completely inappropriately over the open channel. 

“You get a name?” Gordon asked holding the walkie up to his face. 

“No man but trust me on this,” Leon replied. 

He sighed, putting his walkie back in his belt. 

‘I don’t, _man_ ,’ he replied to himself, wondering which of his exes had come to torment him this time. 

It didn’t take long for him to pick the familiar face out of the crowd, someone he wanted to see even less than any of his exes, as she scanned the faces around her before plunging inexorably forward. 

He pulled out his walkie. "Next time ask me first Leon," he uttered over the channel, holstering it again before hearing the reply. 

He watched her as she recognised him, keeping his face blank as she came closer. 

"What are you doing here Clara?" he asked when she was within hearing distance. 

"My name?” she replied cockily. “I suppose that's better than 'Civilian Consultant for getting…’”

"Do you have a point?" Gordon interrupted. 

"Sorry," Clara apologised, dropping her cockiness. "Kate wasn’t amused either when I laughed,” she added with a tentative smile. 

Gordon glanced over her head pointedly surveying the area behind her to ensure he wasn't missing anything while she was wasting his time. 

“Look, I know we started off on the wrong foot,” Clara offered as he faced her again. “Let me buy you a coffee when you're next on break," she asked cordially. 

Gordon let out an amused huff. "And why would I bother? You going to tell me you care about my mum and I should want her to be happy?" 

“Well I do care about your mother and yes, it should matter to you that she’s happy but the issues that you have with your mother predate me," Clara pointed out. 

"By more years than you've existed," he shot back before regretting it. She was right about that, his real problem wasn’t with her and taking his anger out on her was unfair but he wasn’t about to apologise for it. 

“Ha. Ha,” Clara intoned sarcastically, her eyebrows raising in an unamused fashion as she paused before continuing. "You two are more alike than you know. Just come have coffee," Clara insisted. 

Gordon appraised Clara. “Maybe," he replied. 

Clara nodded. "Well I'll be in the bookstore cafe," she informed him. "Whenever you're free." 

He gave her a curt nod back and she accepted his response, turning and leaving the way she came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn’t aim for the bondage/blindfolds, it just wrote itself but as it’s all about trust (which they have) it isn’t completely outside the realm of possibility in my head (any more then the rest anyway..).


	9. Chapter 9

Clara had been in the cafe for hours but was having a hard time concentrating. She had finished some of her admin and was trying to prep her lesson plan for next week but she kept looking up every time someone passed by her to see if it was Gordon. Her lesson plan sat in front of her and she stared at it blankly. They would be reading Frankenstein but she needed to find some way of engaging her class and thought maybe paring it with something else would help highlight the themes but what?

She started writing a list of themes before flipping through the book she had borrowed from the shelves. She had forgotten the version with her highlights and it was making the whole process far harder than she had intended.

"Well you’re patient I'll give you that," came a familiar voice and Clara turned to see Gordon coming towards her. 

"I'm glad you came," she offered, shutting the book and standing to gesture at the seat opposite before sitting back down, tidying up the books on the table and signalling the waitress. 

"I only have 10 minutes so talk fast," he replied brusquely as he sat in the seat offered, ordering a decaf Americano from the waitress. 

“The short version - okay,” Clara responded, folding her hands in front of her and taking a deep breath before meeting his eyes. “Did she tell you she almost died?" Clara asked, looking up at Gordon with a raised eyebrow. Gordon's stunned silence was her immediate response. 

"Her plane decompressed, everyone on board died except for her - all of them her team," Clara explained, pausing to thank the waitress as she brought Gordon's coffee before continuing. 

"She blames herself for their deaths, and many before and after. She has the most impressively hidden case of survivor's guilt I've ever seen and that is saying something as my best friend.. oh just trust me that it's impressive... " she digressed, suddenly realising 'possibly killed his homeworld' would open up a whole different conversation. 

"...but she hides it,” Clara continued. “She hides it at work because she needs to be in command, and she hides it from you because she's never stopped feeling like she needs to be strong for her boys.”

She paused, trying to read Gordon’s frustratingly even expression as she realised she was rambling and psychoanalysing more than she had intended. 

"I'm just saying she loves you and although she's hard to talk to you should try," she tried to summarise. 

"You say that like it's easy," he replied with a sigh. “How do you manage?” he scoffed before taking another sip of the coffee in front of him.

Clara leaned back in her chair considering her response. 

“I think I slipped through her radar,” she replied contemplatively, sitting up straight again and watching Gordon’s expression remain featureless. “I’m not really an employee and I’m not family or anyone who has known her for so long that she feels she needs to be a particular person for me,” she elucidated. “It doesn’t mean it’ll be impossible for you, just that sometimes you have to be the strong one,” she expounded. 

Gordon took the final sip of his coffee before speaking again. 

"Thank you for the coffee," he offered politely as he stood, his face a mask. "I'm sure I'll see you around," he added curtly before moving away from the table as Clara watched on wordlessly. 

She sighed, collecting up her notebook and papers into her bag, paying the cafe bill and putting back the copy of Frankenstein before leaving the bookstore. 

She wasn't quite sure what to make of Gordon. He clearly had a very deep sense of personal failure he was trying to hide behind obnoxiousness, but he couldn't quite ignore his military training and/or upbringing enough for that front to be entirely convincing. 

She made her way back to the mall exit, turning when she was only half way there and deciding to visit the Olympic Park next door. It was a beautifully sunny day and she wandered amidst the mostly empty venues and across a small river to a quite spot on the far side, taking out her teaching materials again and hoping the fresh air would help her focus as she looked again at her list of themes. 

* * *   
Ann raised her eyebrows at Kate as soon as she saw her. 

"I take it, it went well,” she commented as they embraced before Ann ushered her in to the house. 

Kate raised her eyebrows questioningly as she tried to stop the grin on her face. 

“You’re not fooling me. I haven’t seen you this happy since your youngest was born,” Ann added as she followed Kate into her kitchen. 

“And I'm first,” Kate pointed out incredulously as she realised Joan and Li weren't waiting in the kitchen. 

"I was shocked too," Ann agreed with a smirk. 

Joan and Li arrived moments later and although they all looked at her suspiciously, Ann ushered them into their Sunday ritual without allowing them to pester Kate for the story. 

Part of her didn’t want to say anything, especially after the reaction she got from Gordon, she wanted to keep this new and precious thing to herself, but as the afternoon wore on and she escaped numerous pointed questions, she realised that part of her wanted to share her happiness and so, apropos of nothing, she told them about Clara, at least everything that wasn’t classified. 

Ann sat there with a thin lipped smile as shock was painted across the other’s faces before they quickly recovered themselves. 

“Wow, Kate. You don’t do anything by halves do you?” Li responded when she had finished. 

“No wonder you’ve been so off lately. You could’ve told us sooner,” Joan agreed. 

Kate’s eyes flicked to Ann before meeting the others’. “I should have, I know,” she acknowledged. “Took me a while to figure it out myself,” she added. 

They returned to their game, occasionally finding reason to tease Kate about her newly revealed secret, and when she finally left hours later she was smiling even brighter than before. 

She had just gotten off the bus in Streatham when her phone rang. She looked up, saw Ellis’s contact details and answered it. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked jovially, surprised to hear from her son out of the blue, especially after the tenuous way they had left things. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you nearly died?” he asked without segue. “Why did Gordon have to hear it from Clara?” he added, the disappointment in his voice overshadowing the anger also present. 

Kate’s positive mood plummeted as her heart fell into her stomach. What had Clara done. 

“Ellis,” she began, reverting to command mode without a thought. “I’m the leader of a military force - everyone in this family knows what that means,” she pointed out, a vague possibly ill-timed reference to her dead husband. “If I had to call you every time my life was threatened, this world would have been destroyed numerous times over.” 

The voice on the other line was silent for a moment before responding. 

“So it’s true,” Ellis finally replied. 

Kate sighed, the anger draining out of her. “Yes,” she responded simply. 

The line was silent again before she heard a click. 

“Ellis?” she inquired but the phone had disconnected. 

She passed the few buildings before Clara’s, the irritation, anger and betrayal boiling within her. She was used to this from Gordon but not Ellis, not Clara. What had she said and why?

When Clara opened the door she could clearly see Kate’s mood because her face fell immediately. 

“How do you suddenly think it’s your place to interfere with what I tell my children?” she accused as she entered and shut the door behind her, her annoyance building as Clara’s face went from confused and upset to determined. 

“You’ve spoken to Gordon,” she replied calmly. 

“No, Ellis just hung up on me. So instead of having one child almost on my side I now have neither. He is the only one that can get through to Gordon and now he hates me too. Was it worth it?” she asked raging at Clara as she followed her into her living room. 

Clara spun on her heel before sitting, the reply coming out in oddly calm if loud tones despite the chaos in her eyes. “I spoke to Gordon because I care about you and by extension your children. Denial is why Gordon can’t address what is happening to him. Can’t you see that hiding things from them is just perpetuating that?” she pointed out. “You need to stop pushing them away…”

“Don’t you _DARE_ tell me how to raise my children,” Kate countered, cutting Clara off as she felt the heat of her anger turning her face red. “I’ve been doing it longer than you’ve been alive,” she snapped with venom, lashing out against the pain of her son’s anger. She was usually better at commanding herself but the unexpectedly personal betrayal left her with very little self-control. 

She watched the tears edging Clara’s eyes as the brunette lifted her hand to point to the door.

“If you can’t see that I was trying to help, you can leave,” she countered with a soft evenness that belied the struggle apparent on her face. 

“Fine,” Kate shot back, turning on her heel and marching out of Clara’s flat, slamming the door behind her with more force than she had intended. 

The street was cold after the heat of the argument and as she approached the bus stop that would bring her home the anger had deflated within her to be replaced by betrayal and a sense of helpless loss. 

* * *  
Kate hadn't spoken to her in two days. It felt like months. It was easier when she was at work, work was a distraction. When she wasn’t at work she kept looking at her last message, an apology of sorts, wondering if she should write more, or try to call her again, or drop by, or if she had already done too much. 

She was sitting in her flat, flipping through the channels aimlessly when her phone rang. She jumped up to see if it was Kate but the number wasn’t identified. 

“Hello?” she asked curiously as she answered the third ring. 

“Clara it’s Gordon,” came a familiar voice. “Stewart.” 

“I recognise your voice Gordon,” she replied deadpan. “How did you get this number?” she asked, knowing Kate hadn’t given it to him. 

“We used to do cryptography for fun when Dad was around, Mum never changed her key,” he replied in a manner that was not in any way reassuring. 

“What do you want?” Clara asked with a calm resignation. 

There was a moment of silence at the other end before Clara spoke again.

“If you’ve come to gloat that your mum isn’t talking to me I don’t want to hear it, I was trying to…”

“I’m not calling to gloat,” he interrupted in a surprisingly sedate voice. 

“Then what do you want Gordon?” she repeated. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” he began hesitantly. “I want to be better,” he continued vaguely. 

Clara raised her eyebrows, the shock of it snapping her out of her self-pity. 

“And why are you telling _me_ this?” she asked patiently. 

There was another pause on the other end of the line. 

“I tried to kill myself, when I came back from the war,” he offered. 

Clara was momentarily shocked silent. She knew this admission was crucial to him moving on but she was confused and surprised to be on the receiving end of it. 

“Gordon, last I knew we weren’t even friends so why are you telling me this?” Clara replied carefully. 

“I suppose for the same reason Mum does, you don’t expect anything from me,” Gordon admitted. “Besides, you were right. I need to be stronger. I’m not sure I can take the look of disappointment on her face but I want to try,” came the somber reply. 

Clara sighed. She knew that look too well now. 

“Then call her, but tell _Her_ ,” she replied emphatically. 

She heard Gordon forcibly exhale. 

“I need to call Ellis first,” he replied. “Thank you Clara.”

Tears welled in her eyes at the sincerity in his voice, thinking of Kate and hoping maybe this would help her too. 

“You’re welcome Gordon,” she replied, a smile forming on her face despite the tears. 

She heard the line go dead and clicked off her phone. At least something good had come of this. 

*

The hope that Gordon would get the help he needed lightened her mood somewhat and the next day felt like less of a chore. Her students seemed to recognise the shift in her behaviour and were more poorly behaved than they had been in weeks to the point where she actually looked forward to heading back to her empty flat. But as she ascended the stairs to her flat she tried to ignore the loneliness she knew was waiting for her and focus on getting to bed with her new book. 

She was so caught up in focusing on that image that she nearly walked right by Kate as her name broke the silence of her thoughts. 

She looked at Kate almost uncomprehendingly as her heart jumped into her throat. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked with as much composure as she could muster. 

“Can I come in?” Kate asked as she stood, sounding official apart from the slight waver.

Clara shrugged, unable to trust her voice to her sudden nervousness as she made her way past Kate and towards her flat, Kate following a few steps behind.

When they had taken off their shoes Clara made her way to the kitchen to put on some tea before joining Kate in the living room, handing her a hot mug before sitting in her usual chair. 

Kate looked at the mug, opening her mouth and glancing at Clara before pausing again, looking down and clearing her throat. “I am sorry for getting so angry with you,” Kate began, focusing on the mug in her hands before looking up. “I felt exposed and betrayed and I should’ve just spoken to you,” Kate admitted carefully. 

“I shouldn’t have gone behind your back,” Clara conceded. 

Kate nodded. “But you did it for the right reasons,” she acknowledged. “I’ve been keeping secrets for so long I forget which ones I should tell.”

“Have you heard from Gordon?” Clara asked, hope burning in her chest. 

Kate nodded and Clara saw the smallest flicker of a smile cross her face. 

“Thank you for that,” Kate admitted. "He still doesn't want to talk to a professional but at least he isn't in denial anymore," she added. 

Clara leaned forward, reaching for Kate’s hand as Kate released it from her mug, meeting Clara’s hand half way. 

“We okay then?” Clara asked. 

Kate nodded before getting up from the couch, putting her tea down and crouching before Clara, brushing a hair out of her eyes before leaning up to kiss her. Clara felt herself melt into the comfort of Kate’s lips as her arms wrapped around her.


	10. Chapter 10

Kate felt Clara's fingers dance across her naked body. Their last time together had been anticipatory and full of a forceful desire but this time every touch was softer and Kate relaxed into it, letting Clara play her body to aching fulfilment. 

When they had both been satisfied Kate lay on her back as Clara placed her head on Kate's naked chest, drawing abstract patterns across her breasts and ribs. 

Kate ran her hands through the younger woman's hair, the contentment fading to concern as she noticed the pensive look on Clara's face. 

"You okay?" she asked as Clara's gaze shot to her face. 

"I've seen sunsets on other worlds, nearly been taken apart by robo-cannibals, almost been killed in a war that took place before I was born, met the great great grandson I will actually never have and been shattered through space and time,” she began, pausing for a moment to meet Kate’s eyes. “And yet this feels so unreal to me,” she finished, her eyes focusing into the distance.

Kate’s brow furrowed at the reminder of her previous life, knowing it wasn’t something she would be able to give up and wondering what that would mean for them. 

At Kate’s silence Clara looked up to find frowning eyes. She turned from her side to lay on her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows. “I just mean I’ve been living on adrenaline these last few years. It seems odd to be contented and still,” she clarified, smiling at Kate. 

Kate felt that smile break some of the concern within her even as she was forced her to face her own thoughts.

"You miss him though, don’t you?,” Kate asked, nerves jittering in her stomach.

She nodded. "I haven't seen him since..." she trailed off. 

"Since he left you at mine," Kate finished. 

Clara nodded tight lipped, her expression momentarily distant and haunted. 

"Tell me what happened," Kate requested, her voice firm but sympathetic. 

Clara took a deep breath and turned on her back, her head resting on Kate’s stomach as she stared up at the ceiling before beginning. She told Kate how Missy had lured a Dalek to them and destroyed it, putting Clara inside so they could get back into the base with Missy as a prisoner. 

"Everything I said came out in that voice, corrupted," she commented, reaching out for Kate’s hand as she interlinked their fingers.

She continued with how Missy had abandoned her, finally seeing her again with The Doctor as she blamed the Dalek she was controlling for Clara’s death. 

“I could feel his guilt and his anger and they were both for me and at me but I was trapped in this machine that changed everything I said,” she explained and Kate tightened her hold on Clara’s hand, Clara doing the same without moving her eyes from the ceiling. “It was the most scared I've been traveling with him because in any other situation I know he'd save me,” she added before turning to Kate. 

"And you haven't spoken to him since," Kate inquired evenly, although she knew the answer. 

Clara shook her head. 

"You should contact him," Kate suggested, her concern for Clara trumping her fear of losing her to him. 

"And say what?” Clara asked, her deep brown eyes inflating as she shifted fully onto her side. 

"Do you blame him?” Kate asked wryly. 

“No," Clara replied emphatically with a furrowed brow. 

Kate raised her eyebrows pointedly.

“Yeah, okay," Clara agreed, the tenor of her voice more serious than her words as she nodded towards her phone, Kate stretching to reach it on the side table. 

Kate listened to the phone ringing as Clara waited for The Doctor to pick up and then the click of the line connecting. 

"Voicemail," she informed Kate before speaking. 

"Doctor it's Clara. If you still blame yourself for Skaro - don’t. I forgive you. I always will," she told the Tardis answering service she knew well. "But don't, under any circumstances, ever commit genocide for me. I don't care what they've done to me," she added as an afterthought. "Now stop moping and come show me some planets," she instructed with attempted frivolity. "Us," she clarified. "Kate is here too." 

"He doesn't have to take me anywhere," Kate replied with a laugh. "Now hang up.” 

And, with a ‘see you soon,’ Clara did.

 

The next morning Kate stood in Clara’s kitchen, showered and dressed in the outfit she wore yesterday, rejigged with a scarf Clara never wore, eating a piece of toast and drinking coffee as Clara bustled in and out as she got ready for work. They had both been about to leave, Clara giving her a lingering kiss before they exited her flat, when they heard telltale wheezing from Clara’s living room. 

Their eyes met as she took Kate’s hand and dragged her into the living room. As they entered the room the Tardis door squeaked open and Kate saw a familiar face that brought conflicting feelings. On one hand she respected The Doctor and knew he was a powerful ally but she also knew he gave Clara extraordinary experiences she could never replicate. 

“Is it Wednesday?” he asked as he stepped out of the Tardis. 

“Oh don’t give me that,” Clara replied with mock-indignation. “You’ve been gone for weeks and you know it,” she added before dropping Kate’s hand and closing the gap between her and The Doctor, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

Kate watched his face contort in a sort of awkward comfort as his hands wrapped around her before he looked directly at Kate and mouthed ‘Thank you.’

Kate nodded, smiling at the acknowledgement before looking at her watch. 

“Well I’ll be off - bring her back safe,” Kate offered as she made to turn. “And _soon_ ,” she added pointedly, narrowing her eyes at him. 

Clara stepped back from The Doctor. 

“You’re not coming?” he asked, extending his hand. 

Kate shook her head. “I have to get to work,” she explained looking at her watch again for emphasis. 

“So do I,” Clara shrugged with a casual smile. “He mostly gets the time right,” she acknowledged, throwing a look in his direction before turning to Kate expectantly and extending her hand. “It’ll be fun,” she urged. 

Kate raised an eyebrow before extending her hand to meet Clara’s as she was pulled into the Tardis. 

They visited two worlds, a moon, and ancient Maya, successfully avoiding near death experiences despite a few tight circumstances, before The Doctor returned them to Coal Hill a few moments before they had left her flat. 

"Now you're early," he offered as Clara exited into the staff car park wearing clothes from the Tardis's wardrobe room. 

Kate followed in her change of clothes, the whole experience a bit surreal as she looked up at the Earth's sky and then at those around her completely oblivious to the odd box she had just walked out of. 

"You want a lift?" he asked but Kate laughed. 

"No thanks,” she replied. “I’ll take the tube - I’d rather not chance it,” she added with a slight chuckle before adding a sincere, "Thank you though."

Clara took her hand and squeezed it, and Kate could see her vacillating between wanting to kiss her and knowing she was surrounded by her students. 

"See you tonight," she stated pointedly as she squeezed Kate's hand again before releasing it and turning to the school. 

Kate waved as she left before turning to The Doctor. 

"Thank you for that. It was quite an experience," she acknowledged extending her hand. 

The Doctor took her hand firmly, "Thank _you_ ," he replied, elucidating as Kate looked at him oddly. “She seems happy," he explained shyly, as if there was something more to the words than he could relay. 

"She missed you," Kate responded and he looked at his feet for a moment before meeting her eyes again. 

"I don't want to be in the way," he replied in that same careful manner. 

And his indirect reference to their relationship warmed her. 

"Clara does what she wants. I wouldn’t stop her even if I could,” Kate affirmed. 

The Doctor only nodded before turning back to the Tardis. 

* * *   
Clara looked at her watch, it was 17:40. Kate wouldn’t be out of work until at least 18:00. She looked back down at her desk and the ever-diminishing pile of papers to mark. It was easier to focus at work but definitely not as comfortable and she leaned back for a moment, stretching. She sometimes enjoyed being in school long after most had gone, there was a stillness to it that seemed almost subversive. As if she was still a student herself sneaking in to the school after everyone else had left. 

She flicked her phone on for a second to see if Kate had sent a message, unlikely anyway - she usually called, before returning to her marking. 

Some of the lights flicked off, leaving the hallway in partial darkness, although her room lights remained on and Clara looked at the time again: 17:52. 

She started reading the next essay in earnest as she heard footsteps in the hall, wondering why the noise seemed strange as the janitorial staff was still about but then realising it was the click of heels. The noise approached and she turned in time to see Kate lean against her doorway. 

“Hey, you,” she remarked with an awkwardly but love-y casualness Clara found absolutely adorable.

Her face lit up of its own volition as Kate came and seated herself in the chair directly in front of her desk as Clara stood, organising her papers. 

“You’re early,” Clara commented. 

“I was in the area. Some suspicious readings but we couldn’t find anything,” Kate explained, looking around Clara’s room before her eyes settled on Clara. 

“It’s odd being in a school. Brings back memories,” Kate commented. 

Clara let out an short laugh. “Ha, you went to boarding school,” Clara pointed out. 

Kate nodded. “True but it still had the same feel to it, full of energy and potential, it was just cleaner with more expensive furniture,” she replied with a smirk. “Turns out I had quite the teacher crush,” she continued tantalisingly. “It was just one of those things I hadn’t really understood until recently.”

Clara came around from behind her desk, shutting the door to her room before standing in front of Kate and leaning back against the front of her desk, her palms on the desk behind her. 

“You mean back in boarding school when you were sometimes kissing girls,” she asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Ummhuum,” Kate acknowledged, taking in the shut door and Clara’s pose as her flirty gaze turned hungry. 

“And what about this teacher do you remember?” Clara asked, her voice soft and low while attempting to maintain the innocence of the question. 

“She used to always suck on the end of her pen, I was quite distracted by it without knowing why,” Kate offered with a chuckle, watching Clara intently as she found the pen still on her desk and dragged it across her lips before opening her mouth to tease the end of it with her tongue.

“And?” Clara asked before bringing the end of the pen into her mouth slowly. 

Kate stood, closing the space between them, her arms beside Clara, hands on the desk as she leaned into her. 

“Honestly Clara I don’t want anyone but you,” she admitted almost defeatedly, and Clara brought the pen from her mouth back to the desk as Kate claimed her lips, Clara reaching up to Kate’s cheek to pull their mouths closer as she felt Kate’s knee part her thighs. 

Their lips parted and Kate began to trail kisses down Clara’s neck. 

“Why Ms Stewart, what ever has gotten into you,” she teased in an impression of her own teacher voice. 

Kate responded by moving her right hand to Clara’s hip, easing it down and under her skirt as she ran it along her thigh. 

“Why are you wearing tights?” Kate asked in an almost growl as her lips and tongue continued to caress any skin she could access.

Her lips left Clara’s skin as her left hand took Clara’s right, bringing it to her lips and slowly easing one of the fingers into her mouth. 

“Oh I wish I wasn’t,” Clara breathed out, unable to think as Kate’s right hand slid between her thighs, pressing the already wet fabric of her undies against her as Kate’s mouth engulfed her finger. 

Kate withdrew Clara’s finger from her mouth, leaning towards Clara’s ear. 

“Take them off,” she whispered and the tone of command made Clara even more wet as she considered the likelihood of them being discovered. 

The thought was cut off as Kate’s mouth found the pulse point of Clara’s neck, sucking gently as Clara found the edge of her tights and pulled them down as well as her undies, the promise of Kate’s fingers overruling her fear of discovery. 

Kate crouched down, carefully removing Clara’s shoes and pulling her tights and undies all the way off before kissing her ankle, then the side of the opposite calf, then the inside of her knee as Clara opened her legs wider, her hands finding the edge of her desk as she held on to it. 

The door squeaked open and Clara turned to see the janitor’s head pop through the ajar door as she hurriedly tried to compose her face. 

“You okay Ms Oswald?” he asked, clearly perplexed by her expression. 

“Yes, thank you Tony, just thinking of redesign ideas for the room,” she made up, mock surveying the room, thankful that Kate was hidden by the desk, before craning her neck to look at him again. 

He nodded, brow still furrowed. “I’m closing up but will leave you to set the alarm,” he offered. 

“Thanks Tony,” she replied. “Have a good night.”

“You too Ms Oswald,” he responded as he shut the door again. 

Clara exhaled loudly, feeling the breath of Kate’s relief against her thigh as her frustrated desire returned. 

“Kate,” she whispered loudly, about to suggest they leave, but Kate’s tongue stroked across her centre and her head fell back as she bit her lip to stifle a moan. 

Kate’s mouth closed on her clit, sucking gently before her tongue struck out again, stroking between her folds before returning to her clit again and Clara corrected herself, she didn’t need Kate’s fingers at all, just her tongue driving her closer and closer to empty thought. 

Her body stiffened and she knew she was close, bucking her hips into Kate’s mouth as Kate carefully circled Clara’s clit with her tongue before flattening it against the pulsing nub of it, Clara accidentally pounding the table as she tried not to let the sounds burst forth before her body went limp against her desk. 

Although her eyes were still closed Clara could feel Kate shift from between her legs and stand, kissing her as she tasted herself on Kate’s lips. 

Their lips parted and she opened her eyes, smiling as she saw Kate looking at her intently. 

“Shall we head to mine?” Kate asked softly. 

“But you’ve been such an attentive student,” Clara responded with a wicked grin, still a bit breathless. “I think you’re forgetting about your reward?" she added, raising her eyebrows as she moved aside the items on her desk before turning them and pinning Kate against the hard edge. 

* * * 

The heavy school door shut behind them with finality and Clara stifled a giggle as Kate swept the area. It was vacant, including the spot the Tardis had inhabited this morning. 

When they got back to Kate's Clara ensconced herself on her usual stool, skimming through the Evening Standard she had picked up at the station as Kate cooked dinner.

"I'm honestly surprised we're not both already asleep,” she commented, glancing over at Clara while trying to stifle a yawn. “Surely we've been awake for at least two days straight if not longer?" Kate pointed out. 

"It's the adrenaline, or the Tardis,” she replied offhandedly, “It catches up with you a few days later which is why I generally stick to Wednesdays," Clara replied before looking up from the paper.

“I never asked you what you thought?" Clara asked, excitement in her eyes despite her even tone. 

"Still feels like a bit of a dream," Kate replied, turning to Clara as she crossed her arm, leaning against the counter beside the stove pensively. 

"I suppose it does for a while," Clara replied. 

"And then you get used to it huh?" Kate asked with a raised brow. 

"Not sure you ever really get used to it but you become more accustomed to the extraordinary," Clara assessed thoughtfully. 

"And the life-threatening situations," Kate added, an edge to her voice she hadn’t expected. 

"Being able to think fast is an essential survival skill wherever you are," Clara challenged. 

"Touché," Kate replied with a laugh as she turned back to the stove to stir the risotto. 

"Are you okay with…you know…me traveling with him," Clara asked cautiously. 

Kate turned again to Clara, watching as she looked from the table to meet her gaze tentatively. 

“Of course I would prefer you didn’t,” Kate began. “I will worry about you - never knowing where you are and what might be happening - but I will never stand in your way. How could I even before knowing what you see first hand?,” she asked gesturing vaguely to space. “And he’s your best friend,” Kate pointed out. “Besides,” she added, raising an eyebrow. “I know you well enough to know you’ll do what you want and I wouldn’t like the person I would be if I tried to stop you.”

"I am quite good at getting my own way," Clara teased, ignoring the way the corners of her eyes spiked with impending tears at Kate’s considered but conflicted response. 

"Stop bragging and get out the plates," Kate replied with a forced lightheartedness.


	11. Chapter 11

It was the first week of summer holiday and Clara sat at a picnic table in Queen Elizabeth Park in Stratford. The weather was bright and warm and she was wearing a sundress in muted yellow and orange, reading as she awaited Gordon and her coffee. It was the second time she had met up with him since he initially contacted her a few weeks back and they had been in reasonably frequent text-contact in between. It was odd at first but she had seen Gordon as he was beneath the person he forced himself to be and she wanted him to be that person, for him as well as Kate. He also wanted to find that person and seemed to think that Clara could help him so what was initially a sort of volunteer therapy had morphed into a slightly awkward proto-friendship. 

Her phone rang and she put her book down to pick it up, smiling as she saw the contact. 

"Hello," she answered brightly her inflection querying the during-work call as her face fell. "Wait - is this a work call?" she asked suddenly worried. 

"No darling, I got out early and thought we could meet up somewhere," Kate replied. 

Clara looked around. "Well I'm in Queen Elizabeth park waiting for Gordon but you can definitely join us," Clara answered casually, part of her wishing she hadn’t already had plans but knowing this would be good for both of them. 

"Oh," Kate responded, a bit taken aback, as she paused for the briefest moment before continuing. "Sure. Be there in 20,” she noted before hanging up. 

Clara took the phone from her ear and opened the message to Gordon, adding in the additional order and hoping he was still in the queue. She put her phone down and mulled over Kate’s response as she tried to return to her book, wondering exactly how awkward this was going to be. 

About fifteen minutes later she spotted Gordon walking across the green space with three coffees in hand. 

"Since when did mum drink decaf?" He asked as he approached before sitting opposite Clara, grabbing out his drink from the holder before handing her the other two.

Clara shrugged. "It's past 2 and she isn't working late," she responded with a shrug as she took the holder and pulled out her drink.

"Suppose it's been a while since I got her coffee," he admitted as he took a sip. "So what do teachers do with a whole summer off?" he asked conversationally. 

Before Clara could respond she heard a voice proclaim, ‘Stewart!’, as three men Gordon’s age approached from behind Gordon’s right.

Gordon turned to face them as he stood and Clara saw the momentary hesitation before he greeted them, extending his arm to be pulled into a manly half-hug/ half chest bump by the closest, and greeting the other two with a complex handshake. 

"What've you been up to man?" asked the first. “Been years.” 

"I've been around," he responded vaguely, turning to Clara and the others followed his eyes before approaching the table. 

"Clara, this loudmouth is Marcus, and this is Nick and Raf," he introduced. "We did basic training together.” 

"Until this motherfucker got transferred," Marcus reminded him as he moved to the side of the table, allowing Nick and Raf to stand beside Gordon, opposite Clara. 

“Our instructor got shipped out to Iraq and Mum ended up covering part of training, so they transferred me to another barracks,” Gordon explained to Clara who nodded, taking a sip of her coffee as she appraised the new arrivals over the lid of her cup. 

"She was a hard ass," Nick proclaimed. "Although a hot one," he added softer. 

Gordon met Clara's eyes for a moment in fear and amusement as Clara raised her eyebrows, her lips fighting against the grin trying to assert itself. 

"You seem to be doing okay for yourself," Marcus commented, appraising Clara. 

"That is one fine piece of ass," Clara heard Raf not so subtly whisper to Gordon. 

Clara saw the anger and embarrassment on Gordon's face even as she fumed within but before she could say anything Gordon took a step away and spoke. 

"Raf you're an ass, you too Marcus,” he retorted. “Clara is not a piece of anything and if she was she wouldn't be mine," he stated, meeting Clara’s eyes again as she closed her mouth. 

"Well if she's not taken," Nick offered pointedly, the others chuckling. 

Clara just rolled her eyes, her anger diffusing as she realised they were like children, worse than children. 

“And they let you in the military,” Clara voiced dismissively as she took another sip. 

“Actually they didn’t,” came a voice from behind Gordon and Clara watched Kate approach, short sleeved button down white top and black trousers, holding a black blazer over her shoulder. 

The men opposite her turned, three of their faces blanching as they recognised the approaching figure. 

"They never passed basic training," Kate corrected as she walked past them to lean over Clara, her hand to Clara's chin as she met their lips in a casually chaste kiss. 

The shock on Clara's face faded into a grin as they parted, Kate didn’t usually kiss her in public and this would be the first time Gordon had been witness, never mind a bunch of ex-students who were now watching them open-mouthed, faces paling to a glaucous green.

Kate handed Clara her blazer and took a step away, turning to them with hands behind her back as they unwittingly shifted to attention, backs straight, hands by their sides.

"What did I teach you about respect?" Kate asked, her voice commanding but conversational as she paced the piece of ground beside the picnic table before looking up at them with raised eyebrows. 

The three men exchanged an embarrassed look and Clara could tell they knew what exactly she was talking about. 

"I said, what did I teach you about respect," Kate repeated louder as she glared at them and Clara noted curious glances from those around them. 

“I must respect others to respect myself, Sir," they answered in almost unison. 

"Now apologise," she commanded evenly but softer. 

"I am sorry, Sir," they replied, Marcus looking out of his peripheral vision to see what attention this was garnering before looking forward helplessly. 

"Not to me, to Clara," she corrected with a gesture beside her and Clara could see laughter in her otherwise stern gaze.

"I am sorry Clara, Sir," and "I'm sorry Clara, Ma’am," were uttered in unison as the three men looked sideways at each other with equally trapped expressions. 

"Good. Now go back to your mothers, wives, sisters, girlfriends and apologise to them," Kate ordered as she unlinked her hands and took a step towards the picnic table. "Dismissed," she uttered when she realised they hadn’t moved. 

The three men scampered away and Clara shifted over, Kate sitting next to her on the bench. 

“That was amazing,” Clara giggled. “Come to school with me sometime?” she teasingly suggested, meeting Kate's eyes and catching the momentarily flicker of memory - the image of Kate splayed out on her desk. 

Clara looked at Gordon to see if he registered their moment but he seemed oblivious as Kate tried to hide her reaction, reaching for her coffee and pulling it out of the holder. 

“Thanks Gordon,” Kate offered before taking her first sip. “I know Clara can defend herself but I appreciated it.”

“I had a better life-instructor,” he replied carelessly, a reluctant smile forming on his face as the full meaning of the words sunk in. 

Kate smiled and Clara could see the happiness hesitantly painted across her face. 

“Not always but I try,” she replied. 

Gordon nodded in silent agreement before taking another sip. 

* * * 

Kate found herself walking through the newly opened park with Clara and her son, the experience only occasionally marred by spikes of jealousy when Clara got references Gordon made that went over her head, or laughed at jokes she didn’t get. It wasn’t that she was jealous per se, she knew and trusted both of them enough to know there wasn’t anything more between them, but it did not prevent her from feeling the occasional bout of unworthiness - as if her feelings were pure folly. 

They had dinner with Gordon in Stratford before heading back to Kate’s and curling up on the sofa, Clara lying against her shoulder with Kate’s arm wrapped around her, stroking her hair absently.

“What’s wrong?” Clara asked, breaking the silence as her head shifted to look at Kate. 

“What do you mean?” Kate replied, moving her hand and shifting positions so she was partly facing Clara. 

“You’ve been off all day, I thought it was just nervousness at being with me and Gordon but something is still bothering you,” she pointed out. 

Kate considered lying but knew she had to get past this reluctance to expose herself.

“It’s just odd seeing the two of you together,” she admitted. 

Clara cocked her head for a moment before replying.

“Well it’s an odd friendship, I’ll give you that,” she admitted. “But there is nothing else between us, you know that right?” she asked, meeting Kate’s eyes purposefully. 

Kate’s gaze slid away as she shifted again. “I know,” she replied before looking up at Clara again. “And I trust you to let me know if there is something between you and anyone else, but it doesn’t stop me feeling old,” she confessed, realising this was indeed part of the problem. 

Kate’s eyes slid away from her face again but Clara put a hand to her cheek and forced their eyes to meet. “You know my best friend is over 2,000 right?” she teased. 

Kate let out a half-laugh before nodding. 

“It’s just a number,” Clara confirmed softly, her eyes dropping to Kate’s lips as she shifted forward, leaning into her. 

Kate thought she would never tire of this feeling, Clara’s lips on hers creating warm sparks that tingled on her lips before suffusing her whole body. It wasn’t desire, although it could easily morph into a seemingly desperate need, but comfort that filled a void she hadn’t even been aware of. 

Their lips parted and they shifted back to their previous position with Clara cuddled at Kate's side. 

"What does your dad say about us?" Kate asked offhandedly, realising they never talked about her family’s response.

Clara's initial reply was silence and Kate shifted back, forcing Clara to sit up. 

"You haven't told him," Kate assessed, trying to mask the disappointment in her voice. 

"I don't have the best relationship with my dad since he married Linda,” she explained, but even knowing Clara's take on Linda the lack of acknowledgement hurt. Yet it was pretty early days and as it was Clara had only met Gordon initially by accident. 

"Don't be mad," Clara begged, her hand on Kate's arm. 

"I'm not mad," she replied tonelessly. 

"You look and sound mad," Clara pointed out. 

Kate turned to face her. "Well I am a little upset but I understand,” she offered, Clara watching her intently. “All in good time,” she added with a forced smile as she extended her arm for Clara to lie back down. 

Clara was silent for a moment before getting off the couch, pausing the television and grabbing her phone. 

“You happy to cook for three tomorrow?” she asked with an excited smile as Kate dropped her arm. 

“I guess so,” Kate replied confused as to how she was going to get her father to come all the way from Blackpool alone. 

She watched Clara dial and then pace the small area beside the couch. 

“Hi Gran, it’s Clara,” she greeted before turning to meet Kate’s eyes. “How would you like to have dinner at mine tomorrow? I have someone I’d like you to meet.” 

* * * 

Clara knew her London-based Gran was more open-minded than her step mother but it didn’t stop her being nervous when the bell rang to let her in. 

Gran gave her a hug as she entered before looking beyond her to where Kate stood. 

“Gran, this is Kate Stewart. My..um.. girlfriend,” she introduced glancing at Kate as she realised it was the first time she had been given this particular moniker. 

Kate shrugged. “I’d prefer ‘partner’ or I feel I’m at risk of sounding 15 again but nice to meet you Mrs Oswald,” she replied, stepping forward to take her hand. 

“Oh just call me Gran,” she offered, taking her hand without missing a beat as she held Kate’s arm with her other hand momentarily before releasing both hands. 

Kate looked at her uncomfortably. “Are you sure?” she asked.

“If you want to be part of the family you better get used to it,” she replied as she walked past Kate and into Clara’s living room, currently set up with a table. 

Clara grinned as she took Kate’s arm and followed.

* 

Clara was clearing the dishes away as Gran complimented the cooking, Kate pouring her another glass of wine. 

“So what does Linda have to say about you then?” she asked pointedly at Kate before she took a sip of her newly poured glass. 

Kate met Clara’s eyes before facing Gran again, “We haven’t told her yet,” she offered. 

“Well where is your computer Clara, let’s do one of those videocalls,” she stated emphatically. 

Clara came back to sit down beside Kate, taking a sip of her own wine glass.

“I’ll tell them, I just…” Clara uttered looking at Kate before facing her Gran. “She can’t really meet her.” 

“You’ll call them now,” Gran insisted. “No point in delaying it.” 

“I see where you get your determination from,” Kate pointed out with a bemused smile before she lifted her glass to Gran in acknowledgement.

Clara narrowed her eyes at Kate before acquiescing and heading into her room to get her laptop.

When she returned the table was down and the coffee table back in place, Gran and Kate sitting beside each other on the couch. 

She scooted past Kate to sit between them, putting the laptop on the coffee table and turning it on, dialling her dad as she took a deep breath. Kate took her hand and held it just off screen. 

"Hi Dad," Clara greeted when her father's face filled the screen. 

"Hi sweetheart, hi Mum," he greeted before pausing, his eyes shifting offscreen before settling on to Kate.

"This is Kate," Clara introduced. 

"Nice to meet you Mr Oswald," Kate greeted. 

"Hello Kate," he replied absently before looking offscreen and then at Clara again. “Sorry to have to run but I need to go pick Linda up at late night shopping. I did mean to call you though - we’re going to be south soon and I was hoping we could see you?”

“Uh, yea, sure,” Clara replied perplexedly. 

“I’ll give you the details later. See you, pumpkin,” he offered, his eyes falling to Kate again before he hung up.

“Humm,” Kate sighed as she squeezed Clara’s hand before releasing it.

“Yea umm,” Clara murmured, looking at Kate before turning to Gran. 

Gran smiled before putting her hand on Clara’s knee. “It will be okay darling,” she comforted as Clara shut the laptop.


	12. Chapter 12

They were lying in bed reading when Kate heard Clara’s phone message. She grabbed it off the side table and passed it to her. 

“It’s your dad,” she saw as she passed it over. 

Clara unlocked it and read it before giggling. 

She passed the phone over to Kate. 

“Is Kate your girlfriend?” Kate read before laughing. 

Clara began giggling again, nearly uncontrollably, as she put her book down and turned into Kate, lying against her as she kissed her cheek. 

“She might be,” Clara teased as she looked up at her. 

Kate turned on her side to meet Clara’s lips, drawing her into her arms. 

“Might be?” she asked when their lips parted, crooking an eyebrow. 

“I suppose,” Clara admitted, trying to keep the smile from her lips. “If she doesn’t mind,” she added with a raised eyebrow of her own. 

Kate narrowed her eyes. "I guess I could manage," she responded with a smile as Clara took her phone back and shifted onto her back, pinning Kate’s arm beneath her. 

"Yes Dad. Kate is my girlfriend," she read out as she typed. 

"Looking forward to meeting her. Coming to London in a few weeks on the way to Southampton for a cruise. Dinner?" Came the reply. 

Clara showed it to Kate who agreed. 

“Sure,” she read out as she text. “Tell us when,” she added before closing her phone and giving it back to Kate who placed it on the side table. 

“That seems promising,” Kate pointed out, stroking her hair as Clara cuddled closer. 

“We’ll see,” Clara replied evenly as she reached back for her book and opened it above Kate’s chest, reading again as Kate tried to figure out why Clara was still so concerned. 

* * *  
The doorbell rang at 14:56 for the late lunch/early dinner necessitated by the train tickets to Southampton. Clara tidied away the last few things hurriedly before running to the door, Kate joining her but remaining a few steps behind. 

As her Dad entered he wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. 

"Good to see you," he greeted as he released her and turned to Kate, extending his hand. 

"Nice to meet you in person Kate," he offered as they shook hands. 

Linda followed suit, giving Clara a compulsory hug before turning to Kate. 

"I've heard so much about you both," Kate uttered warmly as she shook Linda's hand. 

"Well you're better informed than we are," Linda replied with a thin lipped smile. 

"Nothing if not honest," Kate replied with a forced smile, glancing at Clara briefly. 

"Oh well if we're being honest.." 

"What is that delicious smell," Dad cut Linda off. 

"Kate is a much better cook than I," Clara offered gesturing towards the living room. 

"That isn't horribly hard is it Clara dear?" Linda asked condescendingly as they made their way to the table. 

"I've actually been teaching Clara to cook, she only lacks confidence," Kate responded pointedly as Clara's father and Linda sat down. 

Clara met Kate’s eyes momentarily with a small smile, appreciating the subtle rebuke. 

"What would you like to drink?" Clara asked, turning back to her guests as Kate went back into the kitchen, her hand brushing against Clara's back on the way in a small show of comfort. 

 

"So where did you meet?" Linda asked once they had started to eat. 

Clara glanced briefly at Kate before replying, glad they had prepared themselves a bit better this time. 

"Kate works for the Home Office. I consult there occasionally on refugee children," she ably lied as she picked up her wine glass casually and took a sip as she met Kate's eyes momentarily. 

"Well that is certainly niche," Linda replied evenly.

"She's a great help to my team," Kate voiced with a smile at Clara. 

"Of course she is," her father agreed warmly. 

"So how long have you worked in Government?" Linda asked curiously. 

"Almost ten years, I was in the military before," Kate responded amiably. 

Linda raised her eyebrows. 

"Well that explains it," she responded as if something had been settled. 

"Excuse me?" Kate asked politely although Clara could hear the clear edge to her voice. 

"The military breeds lesbianism. Hardly your fault," she responded offhandedly - as if it was the most mundane of observations. 

Clara looked up at her stepmother dumbstruck as she heard Kate's fork fall.

"Not that it's any of your business…,” Clara defended angrily before Kate could speak. “…but I've been sleeping with women a hell of a lot longer than Kate. And as for...." 

"Clara," Kate stated, somehow encapsulating both a firmness and affection in the two syllables of her name as she placed her hand lightly on Clara's knee. 

She watched as Kate turned slowly to face Linda. 

"I know you think you need to take other people down to feel better about yourself but you're not hurting me, you're not hurting Clara and I, your hurting your husband and his relationship with his daughter," she explained patiently, gesturing to the man beside her hesitantly looking up from his plate. 

Linda met her husband’s eyes, the bluster fading from her face as she opened her mouth to respond before closing it again and remaining silent. 

Kate looked over at Clara. “Maybe I should go,” she offered. 

Clara nodded, not wanting to face this without her but knowing that nothing would be resolved with her here. She leaned over to squeeze her hand as Kate stood up. 

“Excuse me for a moment,” she indicated politely to her father and Linda as she released Kate’s hand and stood as well before following her to the door. 

“Sorry about…” Clara began but Kate shook her head. 

“It’s not your fault and I’ve certainly heard worse,” she replied with a forced half smile. “Sorry for making it even more grim.”

Clara shook her head. 

“You didn’t make it worse than it already was,” she comforted with a somber laugh before trailing her hand down Kate’s arm and pulling her into a kiss.

“If you want to come to mine when you’re done?” Kate offered when they separated again.

Clara nodded. “See you then,” she replied, giving her another brief kiss before she left, shutting the door behind her. 

*   
Clara took a deep breath before heading back into the living room. 

“Clara, I’m sorry,” Linda began. 

“No. No you’re not. You didn’t like The Doctor when I brought him to dinner…”

“He _was_ naked,” Linda pointed out.

“Let me finish,” she snapped back. “You never even met Danny. You haven’t the foggiest idea who I am and yet you continually think you know better. You know what? You don’t. Yes Kate is a 49 year old woman but you know what? We’re happy. We didn’t expect this, it isn’t some great military conspiracy so just lay off and stop pretending you were ever my mother.”

She felt the tears prickling behind her eyes but refused to cry in front of her, spinning on her heel and rushing to her bedroom, shutting the door behind as the tears rolled down her cheeks. 

She had just started to regain control of her tears when she heard the door open and her father’s voice followed by her main door slamming. 

Her father looked taken aback for a moment before proceeding into the room. 

"Linda called a cab, she's waiting downstairs,” he pre-queled hesitantly as he sat beside Clara on her bed. "I know she has funny ideas sometimes but she just wants what is best for you. She doesn't realise you've grown up," he uttered softly looking at her with a tentative smile.

Clara glared at him. "It doesn't give her the right to be rude," she pointed out. 

"I know," he acknowledged, pausing for a moment before continuing. “Was Kate right - has this damaged us?" he asked cautiously. 

Clara sighed, looking down at her lap before nodding. "She's always driven a wedge between us. Why do you think I left home when I did?" she asked looking up hesitantly before returning her gaze to the floor. 

She felt the bed shift as her father sat up straighter to take that in before slouching again. 

"What should we do about it?" he asked. 

"I don't know," Clara answered honestly, looking up at him cautiously. 

* 

As Clara packed a change of clothes for Kate's and the leftovers from dinner she thought about the conversation with her father. Nothing had been resolved but at least it was all out in the open, the admission making the distance between them seem surmountable despite the length of its existence. She sighed as she shut off her lights and locked the door behind her. 

As she crossed Waterloo bridge on her motorcycle she tried not to think about it, focusing on the city spreading before her with its hope and it’s far-removed hells as she made her way through the congested evening streets of Camden to Kate’s house. 

* * *   
Kate heard Clara’s key in the lock and went to the door to greet her, watching the composure on her face crumble as tears welled in her eyes. She took two quick steps and caught her up in her arms, feeling Clara’s body melt into her as the sobs wracked her body. 

“Shhh,” she murmured. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay.” 

“Why does he have to love her?” Clara blubbered, holding her tighter.

Kate sighed, running her fingers through Clara’s hair. “I’m sure she says the same about you,” she replied softly as she held her closer. “Despite the bigotry and the rampant self-importance to cover up her own inadequacies she does care about you,” she added as Clara pulled herself away to meet Kate's eyes before grabbing a tissue from her pocket and blowing her nose. 

"Why is she so horrible?" Clara asked, her swollen eyes wide as she shrugged off her bag and coat, hanging her coat on the hook beside her before wiping the tears from her eyes and pocketing her tissue. 

"She's scared of you getting hurt," Kate pointed out, following Clara into the kitchen and going to the cabinet for two wine glasses. "I know how that feels," she added pointedly. 

"Well I'm glad you haven't decided to be an outrageous ageist homophobe about it," Clara responded cheekily, the thin line of a smile on her lips as Kate poured two sizeable portions of wine. 

“Being the one in love with you I don’t exactly have the luxury,” Kate pointed out with a smile, feeling her stomach clench as she recognised the words, forcing her face to remain even as she came around to give Clara her glass of wine, taking a sip of her own. 

Clara took the wine gratefully and took a sip before putting it down on the island in front of her. 

“Oh!” she exclaimed perhaps a bit too loudly as she slid off her stool. “I brought dinner,” she explained as she went back to the doorway, Kate taking a deep breath and another sip of wine. 

They ate dinner in the living room in front of the television, curling up together on the side of the couch once they had finished. Kate watched Clara out of the corner of her eye, her attention glued to the screen as her body rested against Kate’s, and she felt the contentment of the moment seep into her. 

Clara’s phone rang, disturbing Kate from her reverie, and Clara identified her Dad’s contact before accepting the call, pulling herself away from Kate as she sat up straight. 

It was a video call and when the screen focused it was her stepmother. 

“I don’t want to hear any more, Linda,” Clara preempted crossly.

“Yes and I deserve that,” said the voice of the other end of the line. “But please hear me out,” Linda asked, her otherwise direct tone betraying a sliver of sympathy. 

“Fine,” Clara replied, a clear edge to her voice.

“God knows I don’t understand you or your choices but your father’s right - you are grown up and I need to at least learn to respect them,” Linda recited evenly. 

“Thank you,” Clara responded, clearly not convinced. 

“So I will try,” Linda added. 

“That is clearly all I can ask,” came Clara's slightly bitter response. 

Kate watched Linda bow her head for a moment before meeting Clara’s eyes. “Good night,” she uttered. 

“Good night,” came Clara’s even response as she ended the call. 

“Well that is something,” Kate pointed out. 

Clara nodded her head but seemed preoccupied. 

Kate shifted to face her. “What is it?” she asked, her eyes furrowing in concern. 

Clara looked up at her and her eyes were red again. “You know earlier..” she began vaguely and Kate thought back without comprehension. “When you said you loved me,” she clarified. 

Kate nodded, instinctually biting the inside of her lip. 

“I’m sorry, I just…” Clara continued, her eyes shifting to the floor. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, you don’t need to say anything,” Kate comforted, reaching over to rub her back. 

Clara met her eyes again. “You don’t understand,” she uttered with frustration and Kate pulled her arm away, sitting up straighter as she tried to understand what Clara was saying. 

“In the moments before Danny died I told him I would never say those words to another,” she spluttered out, her eyes filling with tears. 

Kate felt a hole open up in her chest as she desperately tried not to be jealous of a dead man who had saved the world. 

She nodded. “I understand,” she finally replied, cursing her voice as it cracked. 

“No you don’t,” Clara emphasised but Kate held up her hand. 

“I’m not going to ask you to forget him Clara, I never could,” she responded, trying to keep her voice from shaking as her own insecurities began to flood her. 

“Can you shut up!,” Clara yelled as she kneeled on the couch, hovering over Kate. Kate met her eyes as Clara took Kate’s head in her hands and leaned in close. 

“It doesn’t mean I don’t want to say it,” she whispered softly, her eyes intent as the warmth from them melted the ice Kate had been packing into her heart. 

She felt Clara’s lips against hers and kneeled herself, shifting them to an even plane as she pulled Clara closer. Clara's hand found the skin above her hip as the kiss deepened, leaving Kate breathless. She broke away, Clara's lips trailing down her throat as she tried to regain rational thought. 

"Are you sure you want this now, you're not running from everything that happened today?" Kate voiced as she tried to ease her breathing. 

Clara lifted her head to meet Kate's eyes. "Worried about taking advantage of my emotionally fragile state?" Clara teased as her hands began to work at the buttons of Kate's trousers. 

Kate took Clara's hands away and held them between her own, kissing her knuckles before raising her eyebrows pointedly. 

"Kate, I'm not going to break so stop treating me like I am," she responded before leaning closer. "I want you," she whispered before moving her mouth beside her ear. "Preferably naked and coming to my fingers," she breathed softer and Kate felt her breath hitch as Clara's words ghosted across her ear. She swallowed as Clara backed away, a triumphant smile on her lips. 

"You don't play fair," Kate heard herself reply, voice low and growly. 

"What would be the point of that?" Clara asked biting her lip in a way that made Kate's mouth water as her hands found Kate's trousers again. 

Kate's fingers tangled in Clara's hair, pulling their mouths together and relishing the taste of her as Clara's tongue entered her mouth, sliding against hers as the kiss deepened. She felt the tendrils of flame snake through her body as Clara's hands untucked her shirt and made short work of her bra, pulling them both off together as the kiss broke. She met Clara's eyes, gratified to see the same need in them that she felt coursing through her own body as she slid her hands down to the edge of Clara's skirt and untucked her blouse before Clara pulled it over her own head, unzipping her skirt of her own accord before returning her hands to Kate. 

Kate felt the flat of Clara's hands mapping her body as Clara leaned forward, pulling one of Kate's nipples into her mouth as the sensation sent rippling shocks through her body. Clara released her nipple, pressing her lightly back as Kate shifted her legs to oblige. Clara pulled off Kate’s trousers and undies before stepping out of her skirt and laying her mostly naked form on top of her. 

Clara’s mouth returned to her neck, her left hand cupping Kate’s breast as she ran a thumb across the already sensitised nub before her mouth moved to the other one, sucking on it momentarily before trailing kisses lower, across her ribs and to her hip bone. Kate tried not to squirm as Clara went lower, down the front of her legs to her knee, gently moving aside her left leg to kiss the inside of her right knee. 

Kate took her left leg off the couch, balancing it on the floor as Clara’s mouth moved higher on her inner thigh, the wetness between her legs cold with the exposure. Clara stopped as she reached the top of her thigh and Kate looked down, meeting Clara’s mischievous eyes. 

“You sure _you’re_ not running from something?” she teased. 

Kate glared at her. “You said something about your fingers making me come,” Kate countered, quirking her brow as she fought to keep her face composed. 

“Touché,” Clara replied as her hands eased along the inside of Kate’s legs. 

Kate felt the gentle touch of Clara’s fingers before they hesitated, Kate nearly cursing as two finally entered her. She could feel the pressure building within her almost immediately, she hadn’t realised how much she was craving this release as Clara added a third, the additional pleasure/pain making her unsure how long she would be able to hold on to this as Clara’s fingers drove deeper inside her. She fought to quicken the thrusts but Clara kept her steady, the feeling of her fingers touching her in ways beyond the physical as she rode the satisfaction they promised. She knew she was losing it, that she couldn’t hold on much longer, and felt Clara take her clit in her mouth, teasing it with her tongue before gently sucking on it. She felt more than heard the litany of cries from her mouth as the release washed over her, leaving her with a fuzz of golden warmth as she tried to remember how to breathe. 

“God Clara,” she exhaled as she felt Clara shift before lying along her and kissing her lightly on the cheek. 

She opened her eyes and found herself falling into those endless wide brown eyes that had her so enraptured. She brought her hands up to Clara’s face and put her hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek. 

“You are beyond amazing,” she whispered, watching Clara’s face light up ever so subtly. “And so beautiful.” 

"You're only figuring this out now?" Clara responded with a laugh, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled. 

"And modest," Kate added as she pursed her lips, a smile breaking through. "I forgot modest.” She smirked as she turned on her left side, forcing Clara's body between hers and the back of the couch as she ran her hand along Clara's arm to hip. 

"Now," she added narrowing her eyes. "To wipe that smirk off your face..."


	13. Epilogue

They had been officially dating for just over two months when Clara found herself approaching Ellis's house. Despite her therapeutic coffee outings with Gordon she still hadn't met Ellis, Indira or James and doing so for the first time at their house made her nervous.

“You’ll be fine, just be your charming self,” Kate commented, clearly feeling the tension coming off her in waves.

“You do realise charming quite often means awkward right?,” Clara reminded her.

Kate laughed. “Well then just be your awkward self,” she amended.

Although Ellis was standoffish at first Indira and James made her feel welcome right away and other than the oddity of Clara going to Uni with Indira’s best friend, which brought up a whole conversation that excluded Kate in an accidentally pointed fashion, the hardest part for Clara was trying to moderate the casual touching that had become second nature.

At the end of the evening Ellis pulled her aside and Clara braced herself for the anger she had been expecting all night.

“You make her happy,” Ellis stated much to her surprise. “I haven’t seen her smile that much since… well I actually don’t remember my parents being happy,” he continued.

Clara could feel the blush rising to her face but before she could respond Kate broke away from Indira and rested a hand on her arm.

“We should get going,” she stated and Clara nodded, thanking Ellis for his words before turning to Indira and James and bidding them all farewell.

“I think that went well,” Kate commented as they pulled out of the driveway.

Clara smiled, Ellis’s words ringing in her ears.

“Definitely better than I expected,” Clara agreed.

“You know if you moved in I wouldn’t have to be dropping you at yours tonight,” Kate commented offhandedly.

Clara fell silent for a moment, running Kate’s words through her head again to confirm she had heard correctly.

“You still there?” Kate asked playfully as she threw a glance over at Clara.

“Are you asking me to move in?” Clara asked, the question finding her conflicted. She of course wanted to see more of her but was also aware that this was a big step for something that was still pretty new.

Kate shrugged. “The only reason you aren’t already at mine full time is that your stuff is at at yours. You might as well just move in,” she deconstructed.

“You sure?” Clara asked, warming to the potential of it.

Kate threw her another glance. “Of course I’m sure, and if we don’t work out for whatever reason you can stay in the spare bedroom until you find a new place,” Kate responded logically.

“Okay,” Clara responded hesitantly, her head running through how quickly she could get this done.

“Just don’t forget to tell The Doctor you’ve moved,” Kate pointed out. “That would give him and someone else quite a shock.”

Clara laughed. “Especially as he would just start questioning them as to where I was.”

“Definitely something to be avoided,” Kate responded with a smile before evening out her expression.

“You sure this is what you want Clara?” she asked tentatively, throwing a careful look at the woman beside her.

Clara nodded. “I definitely want it to be easier to spend time with you, everything else we’ll figure out.”

“Together,” Kate replied.

“Together,” Clara confirmed glancing at Kate in profile, still smiling despite her focus on the road in front of her. It definitely hadn’t been the future she had expected but as she traced Kate’s features with her eyes, feeling the sedate warmth grow inside her at the possibilities of their future, she found she was looking forward to it nonetheless.

* * *  
  
As Kate left Clara’s that evening, following the road to hers on muscle memory, she started chuckling to herself. She hadn’t planned to ask Clara to move in but like so many things when it came to Clara it had just felt right. She thought about how far they had come and although the prospect of Clara moving in brought up a raft of new possibilities and concerns, Clara was right - they would figure it out together.


End file.
